redtekbek

Equestrienne

2011-10-16T19:50:00.002-04:00

Dear Daughter is becoming quite the horse-rider. It started...
Well, it started before she could speak, practically, Gramma throwing her up on a painted cow to sit astride. Then it was the ponies walking in tiny circles, the miniature horses at the apple festival, and don't forget the classmate's post-Christmas birthday parties where the mom was the accomplished rider, taking kids on her gentle horse. It morphed into (that same) Gramma wanting one more trail ride, and then another one. So lessons were in order so that D.D. could do it. The last two summers she went to horse camp for two (and then three) weeks. Now it is once-a-week lessons at the farm, and she is starting to post her trot. We have been to several horse shows, and she loves the English style and tack.
Yes, we have had those conversations and discussions about owning one's own horse. Unless I sell all my worldly goods, that is not happening now. Besides the Magic Meatball and the iCarly traffic light say "no". But D.D. is sporting breeches, Ariat boots and Half-chaps now, as well as her own helmet. Give her a year and she may be showing at a 4-H.

cotton t-shirts

2011-07-23T16:00:00.001-04:00

Hubby and I love our cotton t-shirts literally to their death. There is something about a perfect soft well-worn, broken-in t shirt that beats any other garment in our drawer. I am not always sure at the time of buying a souvenir shirt what that magical 'it' quality is that will be revealed slowly over time to make the ideal shirt. It is not obvious at first. Only a hundred wearings and washings will show which is our favorite. We wear our favorites faithfully every week until they perforate, pit-seams rip, and the decal is illegible. And then we wear them some more. We wear them until they give out. Until one can read print through them. Until we are just too ashamed to be seen by each other in them. And only then do we grudgingly give them up. With a sigh that seems to say...I remember not when you were new, but when you were whole and I could read where I bought you, and you didn't embarrass me, but that was a long time ago. "I wish I had gotten two of you," I have thought on many occasions.
They are not all the same brand. They are not all the same fit and size. They are from here there and anywhere in my travelling history. They must be not too tight. They must be not too loose. They must not be too short. They must not have stitching, only an iron-on. The iron-on must not be too big, nor too stiff, nor sticky, perhaps the best ones are screen printed and the location is right in the fabric. They must not be too heavy to start with or they are too hot to wear often. They must not be too thin to start with or they wear out before they start being great.
I think I have this formula in purchasing a shirt. I will think to myself, "this has all the qualities I am looking for". Alas, there will be no dressing room in the outdoor markets, booths, or touristy shops for trying it on. I will get it home and try to wear it lovingly, faithfully. And I will fail. Or it will fail me. It will be too hot (deadly sin in the south). It will be too dense and won't breathe. It will have too long of a sleeve and my arms will be hot. It will be too tight in the chest. It will shrink. The neck-hole will strangle me. The decal will be too hot either in the front on my ample bosom or on my back. It will fit weird, and be too tight on my hips. Sometimes its just the wrong color. It might even be too long. I have a stack of shirts that I wish I could love from places I enjoyed going. But the touch of any of these on my skin makes me itch, yank, pull, chafe, sweat, and swear in vain. I will continue to loath their touch, and no amount of washing, wearing or even stretching and sewing will turn them into a favorite.
I can't predict which ones I will love and which ones I will continue to re-stack in my shirt drawer, shifting them around, only wearing them on laundry day, shedding them as soon as my beloved shirt is clean and dry.
Last year I returned to the place I got one of my favorites seven years before. They didn't have the same ones. Even if they did...would it have worked out just as well? So I continue the search for new ones - future favorites. I continue to mourn the passing of a favorite. I continue to revile those who failed to please.

summer fun

2011-07-17T20:16:00.002-04:00

It seems like this summer is flying by so fast, especially when I look back and see how much has passed, and then look forward and see how little time is left. And yet, in the middle of the day, in the middle of another major whine episode, in the middle of another "Mom, play with me" demand (not request), its like a walker in a desert...no oasis in sight. The summer started out pretty fine. We had more than a week where nothing was planned, and we ended up going to my mom's house, swimming in the pool, eating healthy food, going to her community center gym. It was actually really nice. I usually like to plan trips and outings and have something on my schedule. I really wanted to go camping or on a road trip right after school ended, but I was feeling broke, I am not sure how much more my car will realistically take, and daughter was completely against the idea. I admit to some disappointment that my daughter is not the outdoorsy camping adventurous type that I was hoping, that I saw glimmers of three years ago. So I couldn't realistically plan a trip without her, nor could I change her mind, so we did the gra'ma's house thing, and it worked out well. We also went to Weeki Watchee which is a state park now. It was as good as I remembered it. Laugh at those mermaids if you dare - they are some of the strongest, bravest, prettiest women I have ever seen! We also go to see (and pet) a pine snake, a king snake, and an alligator.
The second week of summer was scheduled, with me painting minis and daughter going to horse camp. Camp is at a great local stables, is day-only, but with up to three riding sessions per day, plus games, grooming, and occasional movies. Daughter loves it, but it is very hot and tiring for her. She is good the entire day there, and when she gets home, she puts on her devil horns and gives us hell the rest of the night. Still, its worth the 50 per day for her to do something she loves and for me to have time to myself. I wish I spent my alone time more efficiently, but I do the best I can. Unfortunately, this week was extra hot in town, with highs in the high nineties, before our summer rains set in, and daughter got a touch of heat exhaustion on Thursday, so I had her home on Friday.
The third week was unscheduled, but not for lack of trying. I wanted daughter in a half-day gifted program, but they ended up being full, and no one dropped at the last minute, so she was home. I got ZERO mini work done. I don't know how Cynde was able to work with kids. Although she says that they entertained each other, but I think she just put her foot down and forced them to, because I am not as firm, but I am failing miserably at getting even the most simple things done. It didn't help that we were battling fleas at the time. I was vacuuming every other day at that point, and constantly washing something... rugs, clothes, and cats.
The fourth week was supposed to be spent in the gifted program, too, but since that didn't pan out, I found another job - cat-sitting for my mom while she went to visit the Chicago grandchildren. It was nice having her big, pretty house to myself (and my daughter's self) for the week. Her cats didn't appreciate us much until about the fourth day in, but we got to swim in the pool, hang out with my aunt for fourth of July, eat frozen yogurt at Yogurt Mountain practically every day, but otherwise eat fairly healthy from my mom's extensive food stores. Plus, I got paid! The only thing I didn't get much done of was minis, but as with most things, if you keep going at them, eventually you make progress.
The fifth week (last week) was another session of Horse Camp. This time daughter made it through the week. It was a lot less hot, and some of the time activities were rained out, but she was still plenty sore each night, but stronger each morning. I made a point of making her drink water more often, and that seems to have had a good effect. Daughter really wants horse riding lessons - through the year, so I will be spending my money on that, but she will not be able to get as much other 'stuff' as a trade-off.
She also saw an episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras" and wants to enter beauty pageants. I told her she might get a chance to enter a horse show 'which is just like a beauty pageant...only on a horse'. I had no idea how true that was, but it really is!!! Part of the reason the owner of the horses wants my daughter is because she fits that stereotype of thin, blond, poised, horse-crazy girl that is successful at shows. Pair her with a pretty, well-trained horse and you have a recipe for trophies and ribbons.
After two more weeks, we will be going on my birthday vacay - okay, also for my cousin's wedding - out to Washington State, then Vancouver, and then a cruise to Alaska and back to Seattle. We will get back in the night before school starts. Coincidentally, Cynde and Ron will be in AK the same time we will! At least I don't have to feel too guilty about slacking off on minis then!

You kids today do NOT know how nice you have it...

2011-05-30T20:25:00.002-04:00

...compared to back in my day. Let me tell you!
Dear daughter comes to me to tell me of her boredom, and I just cannot care. She took out her DIDJ (electronic handheld learning game) and played it a while. She didn't even consider that she hadn't used it in months and the rechargeable batteries in it STILL WORKED. Thank you Sony Eneloops - wish I had you when I was young. And for that matter, thank you Leap Learning systems, with your addition and spelling drills in a fun, Fairy environment. All I had was this really dumb baseball handheld that blew up like Jiffy pop in the hot car window where I accidentally left it one afternoon, no thanks to the car manufacturers who didn't invent darkened glass in back seats until after I was old enough to know better. That game sucked anyway, but it also really sucked that my mom didn't warn me to put it down in the footwell, either. No my kind of growing up was the school of hard knocks and "too bads". Oh sure, we had our schoolhouse rock, thank goodness, or I never could have memorized the Preamble to the Constitution.
But beyond the fact of Disney East AND West channel, NICK east and west, and a whole fuckin' channel for cartoons, lies the lack of appreciation for having as many toys as she has, the quality of the toys she has, the quality of toys I have that I let her play with, and it makes me want to have a temper tantrum and kick my heels on the ground. Why couldn't I have had a scooter, a boogie board, an iPod? Oh yeah, they pretty much weren't invented yet. If our childhood was so much more fun than our parents, with their limited toys and space, and our children's childhood is so much more fun than ours, what will our grandchildren's childhood be like? Portable on-demand cheap tv shows anywhere and everywhere? Videogame style learning in school? Wireless messaging for play dates? And then what? I cannot even imagine. I know I should appreciate my old bike, the hours of Gilligan's Island, my neighbor's Atari, and all the books, records, and tapes. But will she appreciate what she had when faced with the new toys in the future?

One more camping adventure

2011-05-07T17:14:00.002-04:00

A week ago we came back from one more girl scout camping adventure. This time, I did not organize it, nor add to any activities, nor do anything more than try to stick to the schedule I was given. And that was just fine and dandy!
We tagged-along with a different service unit's annual themed camp-out at Kateri. The theme was Percy Jackson and the Olympians, the Lightning Theif, etc. Our preparations were limited to signing up those who were coming, making sure they all had a ride to camp, and making about 300 SWAPS (GS trading pins, handmade, highly prized). This particular service unit put on very fun activities last year, and we knew we would have a good time again.
We were cabinned (not housed, but you know what I mean), a good half mile hike from the lodge and meals, but we just walked, and got in a lot of miles that Saturday. By well run, I also mean that this service unit did not cotton to anyone being late for anything, and we seemed to continually run afoul of this rule. So I became the time guard, for lack of a better term. Maybe time sergeant. I would count down the minutes until we absolutely had to leave, and then everyone else would ignore me until the last possible minute, then scramble with shoes, flashlights, etc and we would finally all tromp down to the next location for an activity. It worked well.
We had several fun activities, including an easter egg hunt/puzzle solving, a swim in the lake, a game of medusa-freeze-tag, poster-board-sword and plastic-spoon-catapult making, toga and flag making, and a game of hide the flag and capture the flag.
Last their was a tractor ride, a toga fashion show, an ice cream social (which we almost missed) and Saturn watching - as in the planet!
By the end of Saturday, our girls were wiped out tired. Most of the girls did very well in doing their chores (kapers), unpacking and packing, and keeping it together emotionally. There were exceptions, mostly in the younger girls. Which made me realize more than ever the differences between Brownie scouts and the younger Daisy Scouts. I also realized something important about myself, in that I appreciate, and communicate better with, older, more capable girls.
The cots we slept on were fairly comfortable, and I had the best night's sleep while camping that I perhaps ever have had as an adult. Or maybe I am just getting used to it. This gives me hope that I can continue these outdoor activities well beyond my daughter's childhood and pursue dreams that were shrivelling up. I really want to do more hiking and backpacking. Sadly I am not sure that my daughter will want to be a partner to this, so some of what I have been thinking about it is, can I do some of this by myself, or can I find other interested people to do this activity with? And I think the answer to either is a resounding YES!
Lastly, I really began to think about being a girl scout leader and my comfort level, and I decided I can fill a gap. Namely, I am going to be a leader next year for a Junior level troop of scouts. And my daughter will not be in it, but I am still going to lead. I figured if one of our leaders could lead a troop her daughter had outgrown, I could lead a troop my daughter will grow into. Plus, Girl Scouts invariably have trouble finding willing leaders for the higher age groups. But that is exactly where I will do better as a leader, enjoy it more, and hopefully pass on my love of the outdoors to the next generation.
So you can expect to hear about more of my adventures as this year continues. I hope you will still want to tune in!

spring camping recap

2011-04-29T16:18:00.003-04:00

I realized I forgot to blog about the Spring Camping trip and the Super Moon and how great Camp Chow was, so here it goes:
We arrived on a busy Saturday, the rangers and staff already in attendance because of a river clean-up project going on. In fact, the camp was probably full. This camp is now a county park, but still retains all the girl scout cabin and treehouse units it used to have. It is open to the public, and very picturesque, right near the St. Johns river in Clay county. We had reserved an entire set of cabins, with bath house, fire ring, and cooking lodge, and it was fun having a whole camp to spread out in. The girls quickly selected cabin-mates and stowed their stuff, and we got to work on lunch. The Kaper chart (a chart of teams with duties) worked wonderfully. The girls were really fantastic about learning and doing their new duties, and they even seemed to enjoy washing their own mess kits. I took down the "mens" sign from the bath house and relished a female-only outing.
After lunch, we split by age group and went on separate hikes. The hiking trail went right by our fire ring, so the girls could not be convinced to keep hiking the full length of the trail, but quit after half the distance. So, I only got to see half of the camp! The tent hiking and another cabin area was full of people, though, and the trail was quite busy. Still, we got to hear woodpeckers and see different types of trees.
We next had a fire building session. I was fresh from my training, and gave a talk, with the Leader's help about fire safety and how to build a fire. It was super cool when my one match lit my girl scout fire starter which caught the kindling, then the tinder, and then the whole logs ablaze. Everyone was impressed! It was a shame to put the fire out, but we didn't need a big fire in the middle of the afternoon, since it was quite warm out.
Another session we planned was for the Brownie girls to plan to lead their own meeting. Breaking down further into two teams, each team selected a "try-it", that is, a series of activities to learn about a subject. Then, they had to determine which activities to do, how long it would take, who would lead, and what supplies were needed. As coaches, we parents tried to keep them on task, help them plan realistically, and help resolve disagreements. Our team did a really good job, and we ended up using their planning for a later meeting. The other team got bogged down in selecting their try-it, realizing only later that we had already completed the requirements of the one they selected.
At that point it was time for something active again, and the Brownies had a sleeping bag relay race while the fire-starters and cooks rotated into their duties. Our dinner plans were ambitious - cook burgers not over a stove or grill, but in foil packets on the fire. Boy, was it HOT! But insulating the meat patties in cabbage leaves worked great, and we had the best tasting hamburgers ever. I forgot to mention that the whole menu for this weekend was suggested by the girls themselves, and there was very little complaining about food variety or cooking/cleanup chores.
After dinner, it was time for the Moon Rise. It was supposed to be the biggest brightest moon in 17 years and we were not disappointed. The hard part was finding a good view of the eastern horizon, but we managed, and mostly kept the girls from falling into the river (one stuffed animal took the plunge but was retrieved!). It certainly was a bright moon, and rivaled a perigee moon I remember from when I was a kid. We had a short walk back in full dark, but holding hands, we gathered everyone home. Then, we had smores and songs, and the last activity - a flag retirement. I again led the discussion about the proper way to retire a flag, by burning, and again, everyone was interested and involved.
My girl chickened out of the top bunk, and I wasn't going to make the pregnant mom crawl up there, so I ended up on top with my arms gripping the low railings. It got chilly at night, but not unpleasant. There was a train whistle about every two hours, so I never felt like I was far from civilization, and then I could hear car traffic on the bridge starting at 6am on Sunday morning. I got up and got the fire going again, and brought out the Box Oven - a cardboard, charcoal-fired box that can cook just like a regular oven. We made muffins and they cooked up beautifully. I even cooked bacon on my frypan over hot coals, which worked well, although now I am wishing for a cast iron camping dutch oven!
We did some clean up, then went on another hike and finished up more TryIt activities. Then ended with lunch near the old lodge (undergoing profound renovation). We had a wonderful closing circle, complete with everything we were grateful for that left us with moist eyes, and then a pleasant ride back to town.
It was so nice that everything we had done to promote planning, and sharing of duties had not only worked, but worked well and inspired our girls to do more.
The girls did well, but as leaders, we really came a long way!

gripes for today

2011-04-28T14:19:00.003-04:00

I know, I know
Gripe number one should be against me, for not posting more often more regularly, more consistently. Yeah, I am bad, and that is not the only reason.
Right now I have my grump on for several reasons:
It is ninety and hasn't rained in days and days, and everything is drying up like a desert and squirrels are digging up my basil, the lil fuckers, and rain is predicted, but only about 50%, and its from the same system that caused all the tornadoes. So do I want this rain, or don't I?!?
Also I have been trying not to eat sugar, and its like the less I have the more I want it. So I break down like a damn addict, and feel horrible, and feel grumpy, and feel guilty and feel like, "well, I'll try again tomorrow". I've decided that soda and York Peppermint Patties are about the worst things on the planet to eat. So why do I have a hard time throwing them away?
My tooth hurts, and I think its because I am gritting my teeth in my sleep. I don't grind, I clench. I probably need to quit caffeine, but that just gives me chills....
The good news is we are going camping this weekend. Its another Girl Scout thing, run by a different group, but was super fun last year, and promises to be so this year. It will be hot, but is predicted to be not too hot, not ninety, like last year. But if it is 90, so what? It will still be fun. We have four adults and thirteen girls. Hopefully they will listen. Because if I am sugar crashing and they are bad-behaving, somebody's head is going to go 360 and there may or may not be green puke spewing. But, that's just expecting the worst. And I refuse to expect the worst. Despite difficulties, we will all be fine, I am sure, and we will all behave at least well enough to be invited back next year. Even if we get the nasty reputation for being a bunch of whiners.
I love my short sassy haircut.
I hate fleas, and we have them. They are immune to Frontline and Advantage, which means we are shit out of luck until they approve something else for cats. I have removed all the rugs out of the house (except the washable bath mats). I am seriously considering tiling or laminate flooring the final carpeted room.
E. M. Forster is my favorite author, and am listening to and will soon reread A Passage to India.
I replaced my burned out under cabinet lighting with more of the same kinds of lights, which, I know, will burn out again. But they were free.
Its like my life is filled with stop-gaps, but no real solutions. I should blog about that sometime, when I get the chance.

the eve of camping

2011-03-18T21:20:00.003-04:00

Well, its time for round two with the girl scouts! Spring camping in Florida...of course it is not technically Spring. But, in Florida, spring has sprung, the wisteria are blooming, the azaleas are abud, the air is absolutely saturated with oak pollen, and the insects are beginning to hummm. We are going to a former GS camp near Jax for a night and have a bunch of activities planned. I just hope I am up to the challenge. I will be leading a couple activities and helping with others. I hope my meal-planning works out, and mostly I hope that the girls work a little bit hard, but not so hard they can't enjoy the fun. I know my daughter is nervous about the work part, but it shouldn't be more than a little challenging. This transitioning from helpless baby to competant adult is wicked hard for most of us!
I was remembering the first time I went camping. I was a kid of eleven? twelve? and went to a KOAtype of campground with my friend and her parents. We must have camped on a Friday night, because the next day was a mineral and gem show. I had money to spend and loved rocks, so it was ideal for me. I truly do not remember sleeping in a tent, what I ate or anything else about it except the pleasure of buying my own coveted rocks, and the agony of losing them out of my pocket later that afternoon. Nothing to show for my hard earned allowance. I don't think I cried, but I wanted to. There was no one to blame but myself, and I didn't think of taking my vast disappointment out on anyone. In fact, I think I liked the camping part.
Later, I enjoyed exploring the few 'woodsy' areas of my neighborhood by myself or with friends. As is typical in Florida, some times you can only hike in the springtime dry season, because otherwise, the whole trail is muddy. I remember a fabulous hike through a swamp, traipsing back behind houses, getting yelled at by grumpy old men, barked at by dogs, and climbing up and down these hillocks of compost mud, like sand dunes, but with trees and mangroves growing out of the tops.
When I was sixteen, I went with the church youth group camping in the Ocala National Forest near Alexander Springs. It was near dark when we arrived, but we built a big fire - and we needed it because it got quite cold. I was in a tent with four other girls and we finally gave up even trying to sleep at about five a.m., because we just weren't warm enough. After the bath house run, I lead a small group on a hike in a meadow where we found thousands of animal tracks. I had never seen so many! We saw deer, squirrel, raccoon, and a dog-like print that may have been fox. We visited the spring, but it was far too cold to swim. And I think we headed home after that! I don't think our leaders wanted to stay out another night in that cold! I don't even remember the church-y stuff we did, just the inadequacy of clothing on that freezing night.
However, it won't be that cold where we are going. And we will get to look for the 'super moon rise'. I also hope my bug dope will deter the mosquitos.

some advice from midlife

2011-01-30T09:42:00.003-05:00

I have been trying to clean out my house and divest myself of some of the acquired detritus of living with mixed success. One of the things I re-purposed was my basalt hot stone massage stones.

Because it is no use owning massage stones when no one is willing to give you a hot stone massage. If you have to pay someone to do it, may as well make them use their own damn stones.

So the stones are as of this moment solidifying in cement to become garden path stones. They should work quite well in their new life.

There is no reason to own two sewing machines.

Another one of my little gems of wisdom. I must get that posted onto freecycle, where someone will want it. Another thing about freecycle (where cheap bastards WANT those digital TV converter boxes all the fucking time), why say you want something, and never come and get it?!? Okay, not everyone does that, but I got stood up once, and there are always reoffers for the same stuff because the donors get stood up, week after week.

Here's another gem: if you suspect your daughter is too young for a sleepover, you are probably right.

Mine had a meltdown last night because her sticker tore. Now I suppose, it is showing how comfortable she is in front of her friends and family that she allowed herself to act out, but really, it was just a sticker. I shouldn't have to threaten canceling a sleepover because she cannot pull herself together over a sticker.

So, the organizing is going well. Now I can access all of my scrapbook supplies, and I have a hope of completing a few projects. Before, since I couldn't find everything let alone get to it, the idea was overwhelming. The trouble I have now, is that it is so much fun to get rid of stuff, that its like a hobby in itself.

Now, just have to order those cruise photos...

why can't I keep my dining table clean?

2011-01-05T13:50:00.002-05:00

I know some people use the table they eat off of as a flat filing cabinet, but I am afraid that only begins to describe my dining table abuse. Honestly, I cannot figure out what my problem is! Of course I must place plates of food there. And I even manage to clear them off regularly. Also, the daughter does homework on the dining table, and this amounts to seven pages, but usually in a stack, with pencils, erasers, scissors, glue, crayons, and the list of spelling words. That should be manageable, right? THen there is the mail, and man, does it pile up. I know I should touch each piece of paper only once, but who wants to pay bills the day they come in? No, I stack them and pay them in a bunch. Then there are the coupons. Clip clip and stack on the table. The books to read pile up until I move them. Then there are the little project stacks, and the rental movies, and before you know it there is no place to put the plates. I know a desk is the proper place for most of these papers and projects, but every desk I own is already covered with papers and projects and it just never ends or all gets done, nor does it even get filed discretely away. How does one declutter their life?

Break Week

2010-12-27T21:14:00.002-05:00

Its that week between Christmas and New Years, and we are all taking a break from the routine. We were so blessed this holiday with abundant presents, excellent food, good health, and getting to see so many friends and family. Truly, I will try not to complain because I have no right to do so. The sad news is that I did lose another family member...this time to old age. Jeanne was my oldest cousin, my grandmother's best friend when they were girls, and she had turned 90 this year. She still lived in her own home, although was considering that she would have to stop and go into assisted living soon. She was still active in her church. She was still mentally acute and enjoying life right up to her last day. My mom had just visited her the week before, and then she is gone. All of these passings this last year have made me wonder about what constitutes a 'good death'. I know we all fear it, and fear the pain, and the loss for ourselves and for our family. Is it better to know, and have time to say your goodbyes, or is it better to go fast, and not suffer? It seems both have their merits, and down-sides. I do know that Jeanne was my shining example of how I wanted to be and live my life when I am old. She was engaged and interested in life, she was active and kept her body strong, she knew herself well and gave herself what she needed, and she was always such a positive, upbeat person. I can strive to be the same!
Anyway, break week, that week where you may still overindulge because its not yet the new year, and there are still Christmas cookies around the house, but you know you really shouldn't because everything you stuff in your mouth will have to come out in sweat and deprivation later. That week where you have to find places to store your new stuff, and you look around and see that you have too much stuff, and that you must start getting rid of some of your stuff, and you want to help those who are in need, so you try to donate as much as stuff as you can, but can't help feeling how its such a waste of money. The week where you watch too much television because you haven't had time to do that in the previous two months and realize that you haven't missed much, or worse, that you really have missed it a lot, but don't foresee being free to indulge much in the future. That week you are off from work and school and could be traveling, but where would you go?!? Unless you ski, and even then its likely crowded. Even Florida is cold this week, so we are staying home!
I am cleaning. One of my presents is a hand held steam cleaner. I am trying to clean the grout of my tile floor. Some areas are clean, some are filthy. My steamer produces abundant steam! However, it does not produce abundant cleaning without some scrubbing and work on my part. So I don't know if its not working great, or if my expectations need to be a little bit lower. I got a Kobo, and I am donating books to the library. I still have way too many books, many of them unread. I got a waterpik oral cleaner and it is Awesome! And our girl likes using it too, which is great because teeth-brushing has become a point of contention in our household, and now it doesn't have to be. I got some shelving units from Ikea to store and neatly display stuff that we want to be available, such as the new kids' pottery wheel, but not out on a counter- or table-top all the time. I still need to get rid of some things, create a work-space on my table, and store away my supplies for other projects (until time/space permits), but I am on my way. I am still knitting old kitty a sweater. Its almost done, but I am not sure how well it will fit - that is, will he be able to escape from it or will he be crippled by it. Its such a narrow margin between those two extremes for cats.
Next week we go back to work, back to school, back to routine.

Camping! part 2

2010-11-15T14:58:00.002-05:00

I'm back to continue the story, and before I leave the whole boy vs. girl in scouting thing entirely, I wanted to elaborate on the reasons why the girl scouts are more exclusive. The goal of girl scouts is to build young women of courage, confidence and character. Those are the three C's (NOT cookies, crafts and camping) that are most important, and the way to achieve that end is by allowing the girls to discover themselves, use their strengths, and cooperate with each other to reach their goals. So they learn by doing, their activities are supposed to be girl-lead (so they get to experience leadership), and they help each other. Study after study has shown that in mixed boy/girl learning environments, girls hold back, don't lead, don't volunteer, don't participate, and don't get valuable hands-on experience. So when the girl scouts camp, it is all about the girls learning and doing - hands on, and it gets sacrificed if boys are invited along, because you can't get boys to hang back and let someone else do it! In the same way, I could not get that father to quit "helping them" with the campfire, that is, taking the project over, and so the Brownie girls completely missed out on fire care learning. Smart Daisy leader that we had, the Daisies ended up with their own fire and marshmallow roasting, and maybe some learning happened at that end.
Interestingly, this was a source of some friction between the leaders of the Brownies and the leaders of the Daisies. Although only a few years separate the groups, they are surprisingly different in ability and tolerance, and what I heard, when they came back from panning for clam shells (no teeth found), was that the Brownies left them behind and the Daisies couldn't keep up, so therefore, the Daisies wanted to do their own hike and not combine that activity. Later, it was the Daisies who wanted to have their own (Smaller!) campfire and didn't want to continue at our Brownie bonfire. There were some hurt feelings on the part of the Brownie leader because as a Daisy leader the previous year, she felt excluded because her girls were young, and took pains to open the brownie arms of fellowship to include the daisies. However, I could see that the Daisy leader was correct in doing some things separately, mostly because it was easier to manage. There was no intention to hurt anyone's feelings.
The next activity was the hike, and my daughter foolishly went hiking without socks on her feet. Fortunately, she wanted me to go along, and I enjoyed it, even though I had to piggy-back her part of the way due to a growing blister on her heel. I hate having to be a mom/nag, but honestly, must all my prior hard-earned experience go to waste because she is too stubborn to listen to me and follow directions? Why is that?
We got directions for the hike from a friendly g.s. senior who lead us past a camp with other friendly cadettes and seniors and hiked about a mile before turning around and hiking back. After stopping by a bath house for a quick potty break, my daughter and I met up with another senior who piggy-backed Brianna the rest of the way to the tent so that I could patch her up. The Girl Scout spirit was alive and well in the welcoming faces and voices we met on the hike. It gave me hope that despite our misfit gaggle of girls who are on the verge of cliques and snottiness all the time, that they would emerge as friendly helpful women that would 'make the world a better place.'
We had some down-time scheduled after a snack of string cheese, pretzels and grapes, and I got busy with my bracelet making supplies. It didn't take long for me to have a whole circle of girls trying to weave a bracelet out of embroidery floss using the foam-circle method my daughter and I perfected. Several of the girls started the project but gave up quickly, but a few stuck with the project enough to get an inch-long chain of candy-striped weaving before it was time to cook dinner.
When I got back to the 'kitchen' it was just in time to see that a disaster happened: the majority of the macaroni for the mac'n'cheese had turned into a paste by the high heat of the cookstove, and was inedible. The less-than-half that had been cooked in MY pot had turned out fine, fortunately, so we just had to be conservative in doling it out. So the rule is, if cooking for 50 people, use teflon cookware! The beans came out fine (in my pot, I must add), and then it was time to cook the hot dogs and hamburgers. The hot dogs went on the little weber grill (yes, Jo, your old one!) tended well by one of the moms. The original goal was to have the girls cook them over the fire upon a stick, but as the fire was too big and dangerous, that learn-by-doing-plan got changed. I fired up the coleman propane grill and took out the hamburger meat.
Now, I do realize we went shopping at SavALot, and one cannot expect too much, but that 'meat' was a dull gray in color, squishy "as a crabby-patty" according to one mom, and full of fat and probably soybeans, but labeled 'all beef' (yeah, right). Cooking it was an adventure, because on low heat, they merely melted and lost 30% of their mass to falling between the grates, and on high heat, they flamed up so bad they were nearly black even with constant flipping on my part, and of course, there was no middle setting between those two extremes on the grill. I didn't eat one, and my daughter only ate half of hers, but most of the thirty or so that I cooked were gone by the end of the night. I and my tent-mate ate plenty of beans, so you can imagine what it sounded like that night.
After dinner, it was time for s'mores, and I started the water for hot-chocolate. It takes a long time and a lot of propane to heat two gallons of water! So long that, after I cleaned up the dishes (not many because we had paper plates), the girls wanted to retire to their tents rather than wait any longer. The fire had died down to a nice glow, and I roasted the last two marshmallows for myself, and realized for the first time how cold it was getting to be. I had time to get my jacket when Beth asked if there was just one more tent anywhere. We hadn't even gotten mine out of the trunk, so I offered it. The big tent had collapsed for the second time, and rather than shuffle the girls, we decided to drag its corpse out of the way and erect mine over its ground cloth in the full dark. Truck headlights were lent and the tent was up within minutes, while those girls who were sleeping in it went to have hot chocolate. I had put my daughter to bed in her tent when the troublemakers' tent started shaking and shrieking. I took them to get some hot chocolate and tried to get them to settle down. They took malicious delight in imaging shadows coming to get them and spooking each other with, "Someone's coming!" and the like. There was an incident earlier of two brownies drinking from the spout of the water cooler rather than finding their own cup, and I, for the first time, pondered how you punish someone else's child for wrong-doing. It wasn't just that they did it, its that they knew they were doing wrong when they did it, didn't stop when I told them to, and back-talked me to boot. I am going to have to ask the council trainers how to deal with this behavior, because it just shocked me that they could be this awful.
Once in their tents it still took a while before they settled down, and no sooner did they all shut up, then one popped out to go to the bathroom. My tent-mate and the other leader did the honors all night long escorting girls to the bath house. I was awake quite a bit, listening to the hoot of the owls, the rapid soft snore of my tent-mate, the coughing of my daughter, the rasping of my sleeping bag as I changed positions often. When I finally slept soundly, it was off my pad and tucked into the corner of the tent, but its where I ended up feeling most comfortable and warm. It got down to 42 and my shoulders were feeling the chill. At 4:20 I was glad to know the night was almost over. At 5:00 I thought, "only one hour to go." and at 6:00 after the night-owls woke up, I got up and dressed, too.
I started the stove for breakfast, and we had the remains of the hot chocolate to give the girls upon waking. The grits cooked well in my teflon pot, but the oatmeal had that burned taste I associate with camp...probably because no matter how much I stirred, some still burned to the bottom of those cheap pots and flavored the rest to its detriment. I hadn't brought enough brown sugar (barely remembered it at all!), and so we added some marshmallows to the oatmeal to sweeten it. It tasted weird! I can't say that it was much improved, but it really wasn't worse, either. Many girls opted for ham-n-cheese on hamburger buns, but the cheese grits were wonderful, I thought. While we cooked other moms broke down all the tents, and right after the closing ceremony and breakfast, many Daisy scouts and moms went home. A few moms stayed until everything was cleaned up and hauled back to the cars. Then we took pictures in our dirty, gritty, unwashed, poorly-slept state and headed back.
The girls had a great time; the parents were exhausted. I wasn't the only one to have a nap Sunday afternoon! It was worth all the work and worry, and I can't wait to do it all over again.

Camping!

2010-11-15T12:57:00.002-05:00

I will try to record our 28 hours of Girl Scout camping here while it is fresh in my memory and before I have to pick my daughter up from school. The total number of Brownies that went was fifteen and for the Daisies, thirteen which means we were outnumbered! We had twelve adults with the Daisies and eight with the Brownies, which meant that at least the ratio was favorable! Because of a few cancellations, we were not over-crowded, and despite my panic attacks the night before, we did have enough tents and blankets for all.
We met up at a church parking lot to do the final headcount, give everyone the gate code and directions, and headed off to S. Springs (abbreviated to protect the innocent...or guilty!), about an hour's drive. Some of the parents had started earlier, so I met them as the first of the leaders and directed them to our designated sites.
The Daisies are not allowed to camp primitively, and went to claim cots in platform tents. Their campground was cozy and there were four units each with four cots. Many moms chose to share their cots with their little girls which must have been crazy fun, but mostly sleepless for them! Otherwise, the mothers pitched their tents right next to the platforms to be close at hand. This wasn't strictly girl scout practice, but I knew we would not be under scrutiny, as long as we endeavored to keep the bath house clean and tidy...and bring toilet paper. So long as girls have enough TP, they can all get along!
The Brownies camp site had two picnic tables, a nice fire ring and a mostly flat open space for pitching tents. The Brownie moms and all the girls helped to build ten tents of various size for the first activity. The girls loved helping, and it was so gratifying to see how well they worked together and pitched in. They moved their packs and bags inside, and then the drama began... Who was in the same tent with whom? My own daughter wanted to be with her buddy and no one else, one tent-ful was fighting with each other which ended with one girl moving out and her sister moving in. One wanted her mom only, but finally accepted a friend (and enjoyed it!), and four others kept playing and keeping to themselves so much that their big borrowed tent was filthy and collapsing by the evening. One girl was wandering from leader to leader, anxious about where she would sleep, and the more her anxiety grew, the less welcoming the other groups of girls were toward her. Isn't that the way it always is? Leader Beth had to step in, give up her spot in a tent, insist that the other girls accept her, and once situated, the odd-girl-out was readily accepted and complained no more.
Tents built, moms gathered to make lunches (sandwiches, chips, fruit and brownies), and we had no sooner finished eating than a friendly leader from the lodge invited us for the tacos that a cadette group had made. We begged off, with many thanks, and later realized that she had no idea how many people we had brought! I stayed to clean up after lunch while all the girls and most the leaders went panning for sharks' teeth at a natural spring. I helped a late-coming mom to build her tent and we discussed the different natures of boy-scouts and girl scouts. Boy scouts are more inclusive, inviting full families (including girls) when camping. Girl scouts are fairly exclusive, and many were opposed to allowing one father to join our trip (as the mother was incarcerated). The father did come and helped out by bringing and storing food and cooking equipment. However, he also took over the fire preparation, stacking a huge amount of dried timber overhanging the fire ring, and when that sucker went up in flames, it was ... well, frightening. Lets just say that no woman anywhere would have built a fire like that...only a man would have done it!
Okay, I am posting this, and I will have to get back to more this afternoon.

Kitten #1

2010-11-05T17:29:00.007-04:00

The first of my new kitties I am blogging about is Tiger, the kitten that chose me. I named her as soon as I saw her fierce personality. She was the last kitten to be captured and the one who scratched Jason and got away the first time. She was the one who made an impressive "hiss/spit" combo that kept Jason away from her until I caught her, writhing and wailing and deposited her into the cat carrier. Tiger has always been more bold, more inclined to explore, the first one out of the cage, the room, the house (oops!). She was the first to claim a human and the first to really snuggle.

Jason kept confusing the kittens, so he coined the mnemonic, "Orange on the butt means Tiger in the head" to keep them sorted out. She also has a subtle ecru stripe down her nose. But the distinguishing feature for me now is her quintessential inscrutable cat look. You just can't read her expressions. She has none of the openness of the black cats. Her eyecolor is gray-hazel and she really doesn't even show contentment until she closes them.

Tiger has the most unmelodious voice I have ever heard in a kitten. It is scratchy, high-pitched and off-key, but fortunately she doesn't use it often. She has a nice breathing-purr and she was the first to purr for petting. Normally she gives me a little chirp to indicate she is looking for attention.
She was a little naughty at first, mistaking stinky clothes piles for litter boxes, but some care on our part stopped it from being a habit. She is the one who likes to walk across my keyboard, surfing me to some crazy site where I got a notice about a blocked virus (Thanks, Avira!)
Kittens are not very good sleepers, but she slept with me during a nap today. And Tiger is jealous! I have to take some pains not to pay too much attention to her sisters or she will sulk and give me stink-eye. She likes attention from Jason and our daughter, but its me she prefers. She has handled my absences well, and she is quick to forgive me when I return.
I couldn't be luckier with my little Tiger.

camping?

2010-10-08T19:46:00.002-04:00

I have spent the last three weeks trying to arrange a location for the Brownie troop and Daisy troop to camp together. It has been fraught with misunderstanding and miscommunication, getting priorities out of order and just plain bad timing, but I think we have finally succeeded.
It all started with exploring the state parks and their reservation website. It was very easy to see that this was not an option for us. Daisy scouts in our council must have raised beds and/or four walls in order to camp. We needed cabins, obviously. Lots to choose from, but they were all full. I was stunned at how many people camp! Next I looked into Youth Primitive camping at individual parks, each accessed by its own phone number. Several nice rangers later, that proved fruitless as well.
Next I directed my phonecalls to the GS council headquarters and that is where the 'fun' began.
At first, it looked promising; one site for Daisy scouts was available. When I got preliminary go-ahead from my troop leaders, I confirmed that there was also space for the Brownies and I learned that there were several sites available. As treasurer, I cut a check to reserve half the camp and started planning meals and activities. When the paperwork hit the council office however, it was a different story. 'So sorry, that is not available that date' What?!? I pleaded and cajoled, but could only reserve as much as I wanted by switching the date of camping. I did agree to switch, thinking it was better to take what we could get rather than give up. Wrong decision! They locked in a date that turned out to be very wrong for us. Then they denied a refund or even a check hold for a future date. Dangit, we were about to lose our deposit because of some scheduling screw-up! I felt like a victim of bait and switch!
Finally, after more phone calls and emails, we are allowed to switch back to our original date of camping. We don't have half the camp; in fact our number of campers is limited, but at least we didn't lose all our money.
Now we just need our paperwork in, and we can start getting excited again! Yay, camping!

Brownie Girl Scouts and me

2010-09-13T20:40:00.002-04:00

It was our first meeting, with the parents (moms) filling out forms, and writing checks and the girls cautiously getting to know each other, seeing a few familiar faces. No fewer than forty girls because we are combining the financial and managerial functions of both a brownie troop and a daisy troop. I get to be treasurer, so that will be interesting, and more of a role than I have had as a mom in the past. As I look at all these girls, I wonder how they are going to learn about each other and grow closer as friends. I know on the first day of daisies last year, it looked hopelessly confused, with many shy girls, and I figured this would never form one unit or that half the girls would drop out. And I was glad to be totally wrong about it. The same ten girls came almost every week, and they mostly came to the weekend group events, and they all learned each other's names and personalities, and it worked great, even for my shy girl. So it is with a new hope that I look at all these girls, some shy, some loud, some open, some nervous, that we can know all of them, appreciate all of them, and get them to bond with each other. I am not sure how the dynamics of friendship will work out. With my daughter being a little older, she has started to care more about her friends and wants to be with them more. I hope she will reconnect with old friends, but I hope she finds some new ones too. Without that connection, there is no point to scouts.
The brownie troop is allowed to have up to thirty-five or forty girls. If you think about it, that is double the current classroom size. And lest you think its not the same concept, oh wrong, we are here to teach them things! At least there are two leaders, but I sure hope there are moms who are willing to stay and help some! Of course I will, as I did last year. The moms who hang around and jump in to help with crafts and games make things run so much more smoothly.
We have a very full schedule already too - right up to February already. We are going camping, and more than once! Sometimes, I don't like being tied down to a schedule or having to stay close to home as this will require. However, I want my daughter to have stability and a routine that will ground her with these new friends.
Of course, I am biased. I don't want her to miss a single meeting, and definitely not any event. I want her to experience it all. That may just not be realistic. I doubt that the all the girls that came tonight will make it to a majority of the meetings. Particularly in brownies, there always seem to be drop-outs. I worry that my daughter will want to drop out, particularly if she feels on the outs of a clique or if one person makes her angry. I have to remember that it is okay if not all the girls come every time, and that its okay if my girl doesn't make it sometimes. Its just that I know how much they are missing when they skip. Each meeting brings the girls closer, each activity enriches the bond, each big event becomes a legend in their share memory. They don't realize at their age, but I see it at mine. That is why I am so pro-scout. I root for anything that encourages friendships that can deepen by shared events and experiences. Its the reason why girlfriends weekends (and trips) work so well for me and my friends. We reconnect and remember all the things that make us friends in the first place. That plus experiencing a new setting together enhance our connection and build memories. And the laughter, its essential!
I look forward to it. I am awed by the potential...but I will take it one meeting at a time.

the results are in

2010-09-03T10:31:00.002-04:00

The results are in and ...
we are gifted!
Yay!
Okay, I say 'we' but mean my daughter of course. But you have to admit, it is something you can take credit for at least a little...
Our excellent combination of genes has lead to this culmination of perfection...yes, going overboard now.
Actually, the even better news is that dear daughter is being kept busier in school and has less time to be bored. And Tuesday she starts going to enrichment math/science that will challenge her even more. So while she does complain about the amount of homework, she has been relatively quiet on the amount of classwork. And I have had the first look at some of the work she has been doing in class, and it is awesome! It is a lot more challenging than last year's work already, and she is meeting that challenge (so obviously she is listening a little better in class, too!)
Yay!
Good year for us!

Pat Conroy books

2010-08-31T20:25:00.003-04:00

I have not read all of Pat Conroy's books, but I did enjoy Lords of Discipline and I did make it through Prince of Tides, Beach Music, and most recently, South of Broad.
One thing I like about his books is how realistic they are. His descriptions are long, sensory experiences. The plot is frequently saddening, but not in an overly tragic way, with a glimmer of hope at the end of each. For the most part, they are compelling reads, too. I didn't want to stop reading the last one, and, even though it took me a couple tries to get into Beach Music, I ended up liking it too.
There are some things I don't like about Conroy's books. Each one starts with a long monologue that is about the most depressing reading in print to be found anywhere. Every book starts with this downer! Sometimes, it puts you off the whole book. Another thing I don't like is the dialogue...because it is too good. It always has the feel of a witty, snarky, new-york-style play. Every line is a zinger. No one ever stutters or fails to say exactly what they mean. It is too perfect. And I don't like it because it is such a contrast with the realism of the rest of the book. The plot is intricate but believable, the twists are easily conceivable, but no one I know speaks like a character from any of his books. No one I know is that cutting or cruel or dead-sure. So, while I am reading, I am taking in these verbose descriptions, getting a real sense of things, and then people speak, and its suddenly brought home that this is fiction. And I do like to get lost in the story, wondering how true everything I am reading is, wondering how much is autobiography. But I know these conversations are not the truth. They are honed, sharpened, distilled essences of the truth that we rarely ever meet in our daily lives. Its what we say in our heads hours later, usually preceded by, "what I should have said was...". The characters in Conroy's books are either too good or too evil, and rarely a mixture of both. The main character is always a wonderful person. In fact, almost too wonderful. Maybe that character is always supposed to represent our better selves. It is our selves if we did always make all the tough decisions correctly. The main character of a Conroy book is never fatally flawed, and that is usually what keeps the book from being a tragedy.
One of the reasons I love the Harry Potter books is, that HP is NOT perfect and he makes some stupid mistakes and errors in judgement in each book. He does learn from them, but it makes him more likeable to see him pay for his errors, and grow.
I never get the sense that the main character of a Conroy book is growing, learning or changing. Its more like he is weathering, enduring, and hoping against all hope, but he is a complete person in the beginning and a complete one at the end, and ultimately, I find it hard to identify with!
So while I like reading Pat Conroy books, I find that I don't love them, I wouldn't reread them, and yet they are all memorable and haunting.

Barbie - Fever

2010-08-28T22:05:00.002-04:00

My dear daughter has a wicked virus that has given her a fever yesterday and today, so I relented and played Barbies with her. It is so sad when kids get sick because they are so energetic otherwise, and they get brought so low when they are feeling badly. I just felt so sorry for her, but we did get to watch a lot of Studio Ghibli films. She was feeling better this afternoon, so I got to sew blue jeans for her dolls (the third try looked a lot better than the first two. She has decided that most of her dolls are high school age and they must comply with the dress code. Daughter's dress code is denim, so jeans must be worn. This is the same girl who literally did not own a pair of blue jeans in kindergarten or first grade. However, since she has been horse-back riding...denim is now the must-have fabric of the season. And, sad to say, I am getting old eyes. I cannot see as well trying to hand-sew snaps to these tiny seams.
The fever seems to have broken, but not the passion for fashion!

And we're walking

2010-08-24T21:19:00.002-04:00

I forgot to tell everyone...I am torturing my dear daughter this year by making her walk, yes walk on her two legs, walk to school (just one way for now - still way too hot in the afternoons). So the first day went well...we made it in about 25 minutes. The weather has been very cooperative in that it has been cool, and we leave early enough (to get there on time) that the sun is still not up. So I don't start sweating until I make the return trip home. She only complained five times the first day, and each time I started a lecture on the benefits of walking for health, evolution of walking people, etc... No surprise she shut me down each time, but she also quit complaining! The second day went well too - took a little longer because there was a gecko to catch and release. She complained only twice and only at the end, but begged to bike ride on the third day. Still, she asked to run around the block this evening, so she cannot be too bad off. Meantime, I walked to the voting place and made the long trip home...about four miles total, and I was SORE. So, we will both be complaining tomorrow...but we are walking!
Please tell me you voted, people. If not this time, promise you will in November!

more computer issues

2010-08-23T12:01:00.003-04:00

I was reading over my old posts from this year, and realizing that I have yet to tell 'the rest of the story' (thank you Paul Harvey) about my computer problems. So for six months, my desktop worked fine. I reloaded all the software, most of it available by download. I had replaced the mother board, power supply, hard disk, and upgraded the RAM, and all it was all working well. Until my computer just shut off again in the middle of web searching. So, obviously I had not fixed or replaced the correct component, even after all that trauma. Back to the drawing board. I figured that it was fairly unlikely that one of the new components failed, mostly because the main symptom (computer just shutting off) was the same. Still, I kept the possibility of inadequate power in my mind. So the only things I didn't replace that had to do with power and computation were: the power strip connecting the box to the wall, the AMD chip (the processor) and its cooling fan, and the video card with its cooling fan. My stepdad reminded me that a hot chip will shut down a system fast, and so, after replacing the power strip, I ran the desktop with the side panel off to watch the fans. And there was the problem...the cooling fan on the AMD chip was not spinning. And the chip could take some heat, but when I was doing a lot of intense processing, it couldn't cool off, and it shut down the system. Good news was that everything on the hard disk was still okay...because I hadn't tried to reboot right away with a processor that was still hot. If it shuts down while trying to load Windows, that is when you get those nasty 'hive' errors.
Still, it was time to fish or cut bait, and I decided to quit cutting bait and start fishing for a new desktop. So now, I have a bunch of computer parts to build up dear husband's older computer, and I have a new computer with an AMD Athlon II, Windows 7 (making the switch wasn't bad at all), 5 Gigs of RAM and a Terabyte of hard disk space. Oh and a beautiful new monitor. You may envy me now.

We met the teacher

2010-08-21T20:33:00.002-04:00

We met the teacher and also carefully scanned the classmates list. The verdict is not yet in, but the signs are good! The teacher is older, has been at the school for a while, and one of her former students came by to give her a big hug (always a good sign!). The roster is also a lot better than last year's, and I know so many of the moms already...one of the advantages of going to the same school year after year. So I can't wait to see how it unfolds for my dear daughter. I will also be keeping closer tabs, having volunteered to be a folder mom - that is, I come in on Mondays and stuff the folders of each student with the homework assignments. So I will be in a position to keep better track this year than last.

real quick update

2010-08-19T22:34:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe the summer has flown by, but it has because tomorrow is MEET THE TEACHER day for my dear daughter entering second grade. This is a big deal day for us, and more so because this is a big deal grade, I think. School starts out easy, but it does get harder each year, and I think this will be the first year that my daughter and her peers will be really put through some disciplined learning. Sure back in the ole days, as soon as you went to school, you had to behave and pay attention, but I swear last year was just more practice and not real school. The discipline problems alone wasted half of the learning time. The kids did NOT cover money in larger denominations than dimes. They did NOT cover telling time at all. They did learn to read, and they did learn to add and subtract up to twenty. So I think it is possible that some kaka will hit some fans for these kids in this grade. If they are coddled again this year or bogged down again by discipline problems.... Well I don't even want to think about it, but I will turn into THAT MOM. You know, the one who complains, the one who meets with the principal... Don't make me do it, people, you don't want me to get my grump on.

this was my trip journal from July 7th

2010-08-17T20:00:00.001-04:00

The drive into YELL from the northeast entrance road was undoubtedly the loveliest of the five
entrances. The national forest up there is cut by only two roads, both well maintained by the
state of Wyoming, and both smoothly winding. The towns outside the park are very small one-street,
no stoplight camping villages, accessable from Cody or Billings.
Within five minutes of paying our user fee (25$ for the week for those folks not of senior age)
we saw a brown hump on the edge of meadow, and my first thought was 'bear'. Well, it was one!
I had never before seen a bear in Yell, although I had seen them in GRSM. We turned around and
clearly saw the classic teddy-bear ears. He spooked and we didn't get a picture, but the luck
had begun.
Our next stop was Lamar Valley, where we found people eagerly looking up the North side
at a fence-enclosed forest in the middle of a sagebrush covered hill opposite the river and valley.
They had seen wolves, including pups, but the canids were hidden. After finding bison fluff on
the valley side, I got into the car and thought, 'hmmm, how did you get a radio signal out here"
when my mom pointed out that it was a howl! So melodic! It sounded like a woman singing a
country song, and really did give me chills.
We saw hundreds of Bison in Lamar. When we saw the first Griz, it was busy digging something out
of the ground, and where we parked, it was the required 100 feet away. I watched it through
the long lens of the eos and tried to get pix when it popped its head up. However, when I turned
around, the car was no longer there! They had driven up to get a better (closer) view and left me.
So I had to go closer to the bear to get to the safety of the car. The ranger was not amused, but
since I was on the far side of the road, allowed me to pass and get in. He would not allow mom
to stay out and take a picture, though. It would have served them right if they'd had to find a
turnout to come back for me, if I hadn't been allowed to walk toward the car.
We had our first Bison in the road. Fortunately, its eyes were calm and mellow, not rolling, and
he stared right into our car. I thought I got the picture, but perhaps the eos (camera) jammed,
because it couldn't be reviewed. I am hoping photoshop will be able to resusitate it.
Lastly, on the way out of the park to Gardiner, MT, I saw the famed stone arch. I thought it
was at the Northeast entrance, and I was vexed not to have seen it. Turns out the Roosevelt
arch is right outside the pay station on the North entrance. I was so close the prior to visits,
and I never knew, because I had the wrong info. So the next morning we stopped for the pictures.

Robinson Crusoe

2010-06-14T12:52:00.002-04:00

I have read this and Moll Flanders now by Daniel Defoe, and while both are great adventure stories, they both suffer from the problem of where to end the story. They start somewhat at the beginning of a life (or rather, adulthood) and then end somewhere near the end, but not actually the end of the life. So are these actually Biographies as implied in the text of the books or are they Novels - made up stories possibly loosely based on actual persons or events.
Robinson Crusoe makes me question the veracity of several events related, most notably the cannibalism of the Caribbe tribe residents of the islands near Trinidad and the wolves of the Pyrenees. There is also the question of whether a man could live 25 years on an island by himself without going mad or dying of loneliness.
Like Homer's Odysseus which goes on and on about the roasting of the hams and leg quarters, quite a bit of this book is devoted to the trivia and minutia of raising of goats, growing of crops of barley and rice, digging of caves, storing of gunpowder and the ceasless xenophobia displayed by the main character. If you don't mind reading lengthy descriptions of these actions, it is quite an enjoyable book. One of the biggest turning points is when Crusoe becomes deeply religious; his conversion is profound and has a truth about it that transcends some of what has to be blatant exaggerations.
The biggest exaggeration has to be the cannibalism of Friday and others. Crusoe interprets the Caribbe's actions as just eating to eat, as though "eating mans" was just a delicious option to eating goats, deer, or pigs. If you read carefully, the Caribbes that engage in cannibalism clearly do so with ceremony: They go to a distant island to do it, only the men come, only a few people are actually eaten, those few people eaten are well chosen as the strongest of the enemy. In other words, this action fits with what is known about the cannibalism among other tribes, that it is ceremonial, symbolic, and represents taking the strength away from the enemy and consumed by the conquerers. It is not a regular dietary choice.
The second exaggeration ,that is just ridiculous, is the attack of the starving wolves in the Pyrenees mountains. Defoe writes of Crusoe facing 300 wolves all bent on attacking him and his party of twenty mounted men. At least it is acknowledged that the wolves were after the horses, and were not primarily preying upon people. Still, it is exceedingly unlikely that so many wolves would congregate in one place, attack in unison, or continue to attack despite a prior prey kill supposedly witnessed. Why end an interesting, plausible book upon this fairy-tale, wolf-bashing last stand is unintelligible to me.
Lastly, the end is not really the end. There is more material "fit for another book of this volume" hinted at, but told in a rush right in the last paragraphs. This is most probably a construct, like the preface, which is intended to make the book seem a biography rather than a novel.
In conclusion, unless you are really interested in survivalist mentality or religious conversions, this is not a book you want to spend a lot of time on. The cliff notes would suffice.

No wonder everyone loves...

2010-06-10T18:57:00.002-04:00

To Kill a Mockingbird, which I had never read until this past week. Its consistently at the top of the lists, and I can see why. Its great to read this book as an adult, because you understand all the nuances. But I can also see why kids would enjoy the book too: It has a little perry-mason-style courtroom drama, it has the creepy unknown neighbor angle, and it covers the ups and downs of siblings with a truth that crosses generational and gender- specifics.
And the downside, of course, is the attitude toward African-Americans (or People of Color, whichever is more preferred). It is a stark reminder of how even late in the 20th century there was still this black/white divide especially in the south, where the most obvious truths were blatantly ignored. It is horrible how people of color were treated. Thank goodness times have changed, and continue to change for the better in that respect.

Practical truths in Nostromo

2010-05-11T19:40:00.002-04:00

I've been reading books again, everyone watch out. I just finished Nostromo which is a classic listed as number one on somebody's top 100 list. Its by Joseph Conrad. If you are looking for a sea-adventure, this is not it. In fact, I don't even know how to categorize it. It is mostly NOT about the character Nostromo. But it is at the end. Yeah, after you have read the first 18 hours of it.
So here are the practical truths I have gleaned from the book:
1. If you are a woman, don't make the man you love decide between you and a treasure. He just is not going to make the right choice. He will want both, and you will never really be able to tear him away from the treasure, even if he says he will chose your love.
2. If you are going to stick someone on a deserted island with a treasure, make sure he is not an extrovert. That's just cruel. Particularly if you have to leave for a while. Make sure the person you leave with the treasure can be alone for more than five days without going insane, or give him someone to talk to.
3. If your husband is married to his work, especially if it is a 'cause', you are going to be lonely. Best find a cause of your own.
4. If you are basically an honest person, doing a dishonest act will eat at you the rest of your life, even if you can justify it with your rightous anger. Better to come clean and take your lumps.

And there you have it.

Giftedness

2010-03-14T10:32:00.002-04:00

I try not to write too much about my daughter on this blog. I don't want her to find it in five years and scream at me about all the embarrassing things she did as a toddler posted for all the world to see. I am trying to respect her privacy for the future when she will need it. However, neither do I want to lock everyone out of an important aspect of my life (and hers!).
So here is an update: My Dear Daughter is so amazingly creative. She is making dresses for fairies out of flower petals and glue. She was unfulfilled by a mere 2-dimensional approximation of a flower dress glued to a flat dress-form and clipped to a cardboard Tinkerbell. She is now trying to make a 3-D actual fairy size dress that allows for their wings to flutter from the back, all the while wondering whether any fairies will wear her fantastic dresses. Even her first grade teacher is impressed.
Dear daughter is reading well, ascending the "A.R." ladder with steady progress. She apparently does not test well enough to attend the advanced reader sessions with another teacher, though. I am not sure there is anything wrong with what she is doing or that I am doing to coach her. She likes reading, and can do it, but she doesn't love it, and she never chooses it over any other activity including boring ones, like waiting for an appointment. She has two avid-reader parents as examples, but it is just not something she does now.
Soon she will be tested for the gifted program in school. I so want her to get in because I know that she will have better classmates if she does. Not that I hate her peers, but I wouldn't want to be their teacher, and I can see why she gets distracted in class. Still, distraction is a part of life, and she has to be able to teach herself to stay focused. Do I think she is gifted? Yes, probably. But I do worry that she will not test well. I did not pass when I was tested at the same age. It wasn't that I was ungifted either, but I was similarly easily distracted and poorly focused. I didn't know the consequences of that failure until too late. So I desperately want to her to avoid those consequences! I will not be disappointed if she is not 'truly gifted', but I worry that I wont get an accurate result from her testing. Also, I can have her re-tested independently, but it costs a lot of money, and I don't want to stress her out. She is smart enough to figure out what she is being tested for and to be anxious about it. Mostly, I just want her to stop hating school, and stop seeing school as optional.
Dear daughter every morning wants to stay home, despite everything I say to convince her otherwise. Almost every afternoon she tells me of the reasons why school was bad, boring, or otherwise unsatisfying. She is six! She has another decade of school at minimum! I cannot live with all this negativity! School is not that fuckin' bad when you consider the alternatives...being ignored at home, sweatshops, forced labor, lifetime low wages. Besides, its First Grade! It is not that bad or that hard: So you have to subtract eight from ten and spell 'people' correctly. Maybe some of this school-hatred is her lack of perspective, but I don't know how to give her that perspective. I dont know how to make her love school like I did or her father did, as an escape from boring home life, a social gathering, a place where excitement and accomplishment are just after the ring of the bell...

on writing

2010-03-09T11:05:00.002-05:00

I am reading a book about writing and the creative process. Its a book for book club recommended highly, but its not my usual cup of tea. However, I am fascinated by the discussions on writing, writers block, 'tricks' to use for ideas and storytelling. It is darn fascinating to peer into the mind of someone who has had several books published to try to see how they do it; to peek into that creative well and see the spring of ideas. At one point the fictional author of the story gets hate mail from a reader, and rather than identifying with the abused author, I can see the point of the hate-mail writer: "your books are insipid; you don't deserve to be published" because that is exactly how I feel about some authors! And I had to realize that it is not so much a commentary about the author, (who obviously has a devoted following or they wouldn't get their books published), as it is about the inadequacy of the hate-mail writer: about their fears as a writer, about their inability to do something similar or better, about their lack of audience. I can relate to all of that. At least with a blog, you can write about anything, and not get a whole lot of hurtful feedback (unless and until you get famous), but rarely can you get paid for it either. And I don't presume to have an audience of any more than twelve.
I have thought to myself "I can write a better story than..." this person or that author - fill in your own blank. But then I have to ask myself, "If I am so sure I can, why don't I? Why don't I try?" Why indeed? Because I am better at critiquing what is wrong with a story and even providing a better direction for it to go. But I am much worse at coming up with my own story all on my own with unique characters, development, and interesting plot twists, and reasonable dialogue. "Alex Cross wouldn't have said that, he would have done this", I find myself saying, particularly reading 7thHeaven, but it does me no good, because I can't write a different ending for this already published story.
As for this current read, I don't identify with the main character well at all. If she were a real person, I would avoid her, because she would drive me crazy. So it is hard to read this book because I want to reach in and slap this woman, give her advice, shake her up, and I can't. And yet, I can't stop reading it either, because I think there is an interesting plot buried in there, because I want to know what happens! Isn't that every author's goal - to get their audience to turn the page because they want to know what happens next?
Also, it is fascinating to suppose that a popular author has doubts, fears, blocks or his or her own. That they don't want to reveal too much of themselves in a story, and yet they can hardly help themselves. Authors are exhibitionists, whether they admit it or not. And just because an author is published does not make them very good at either speaking (like at book readings) or at teaching (as in seminars and workshops) because those are different skills! And yet, that is what modern authors are expected to do.
I have been slowly reading a 'how-to' on story writing that i downloaded as a free e-book. It is actually quite helpful. It has a lot of nuts and bolts advice on thinking about your story from a planning perspective. Its very logical and straightforward. And I cannot help to wonder if that is NOT the way it is done by most popular fiction writers. That instead, they get inspired by one little bit of trivia, and then go off and tell a whole story about it. That some of their best work comes from creative exercises like "fit a fedora and a butterfly wing in the same short story".
I guess the truth must out - I would love to write a fictional novel, and I want it to be good - engaging, interesting, helpful, insightful. I have a good idea...I just need to bring it out.

I know, its been a while

2010-02-09T19:21:00.002-05:00

since my last post.

Lots of computer issues, and lots of personal issues confounding each other.
On the computer front, I finally (last night) finished copying all the pictures off the old hard disk and putting them on the current one. Also all the music - most of which, I don't actually listen to that often, so why copy it? Its that waste not, want not principle. Maybe I will need a copy of "Back in Black" in the future, and I don't actually have the cd, and I don't want to spend the buck at iTunes if I already have an MP3. So I copied it all over.
The old hard disk had some spots that it just refused to work, and they were always the same spots, so I am hoping that the hard disk is salvageable. I took great pleasure in Formatting it. Its like erasing a mind that you had trouble dealing with, erasing a personality, even.
There have been a couple things I have yet to reload, and some I am considering not reloading at all until necessary.
The downside is that since I copied over everything I wanted, my new hard disk, boot up, etc is slowwwwwwwwww. And that is with 2 gigs of RAM instead of one. So I am trying to figure out which programs are running and sucking up computing power that don't need to be. It is difficult, because the more stuff you add, the more it slows down.
My personal issues seem to be the same way. Add one scoop of guilt, and everything comes to a screeching halt. Guilty. Not doing enough around the house. Guilty. Not doing enough to earn money. Guilty. Nagging. Guilty. Not calling people I should. So Guilty. No wonder it has taken so long.
I was even finishing up the whole picture transfer in order to use a coupon for free prints. But it took so long to copy over and put in order the 10K jpegs, that I ran out of time to use the coupon. Time mismanagement. Guilty. Freebee squandering. Guilty.
I know I could be doing better. I suck up power for useless programs, just like my desktop box.
Time to re-evaluate everything.

something you never want to see on a computer screen

2010-01-08T11:42:00.003-05:00

STOP: C0000218
Registry File Failure
Cannot load hive
software or log or alternate is corrupt absent or not writable

It didn't start this way, but this was the message that finally told me to stop messing around, and just start over. Start with a nice fresh hard disk, load Windows (thank goodness I had the CD and not just an oem version). Then I had to download all the updates, load the drivers for the new motherboard, reload my software, pick a security strategy and load it, and now I am finally on the last step:
recovering all my data from the old harddisk.
That one is proving to be tricky but not impossible. I finally adjusted the jumper settings on the back of the old drive to force it into slavery (gosh that sounds mean...all I really did was move a plastic 2mm box 1 mm over to the left).
And YAY! all my itunes I had downloaded over the past half year are back. I am still working on importing the pictures.
and then, because I have learned my lesson, I will be making a shitload of photo and mp3 CDs so that if this Hitachi drive crashes, I won't actually lose stuff.
In the meantime, my husband has jumped on the ubuntu wagon and brought home a spare computer in order to have a linux model for himself. I am not sure what he is going to do with it, but I will be interested to see.
I put Karmic Koala (ubuntu 9.10 release) on my little netbook, and I like it a lot. The only downside was that it did not come with a log off or a shut down hot button, but it was an easy fix. Overall, Karmic Koala seems to be intended for a little more savvy of user of ubuntu - seems to have more capacity to customize and all. So if you want the easy version, you may have to hurry to still be able to get Jovial Jackalope. Earlier versions than that one seem to be absent entirely, which is a big change from ubuntu a year ago. I liked JJ, too as it was very easy AND very pretty to look at. I know that is just so girly, but I can't help it. I like staring at soothing colors while I putter on the 'puter.
As far as hardware changes to the old desktop, I changed three things: the motherboard, the RAM and the power supply.
I am fairly certain that the old power supply was bad. First of all the symptoms of just turning off mid-computing like it did seemed to indicate it. Also, when I was playing around with hooking different drives up, checking power connections, it totally failed to work, even enough to power on components at one point.
I also changed the motherboard because when I first checked inside the box and unhooked the extra peripherals, it failed to even send signal to video. And because the screen has its own plug, my husband suspected that the motherboard was intermittently bad. I am not convinced it is, but I am also not using the old one, and probably won't worry about using it later.
The RAM we were able to test with a neat utility called memtest86 (downloadable) and it showed that our old stick of 1 gig and our new stick of 1 gig work just fine, so now I have both. Yay speed!
Running memtest86 with the old components lead to freaky-bad results, so it really was either bad psu or mb.
The new power supply is more robust, has two fans, and a cool/spooky red glow. It also powers my SATA dvd drive directly without an adapter. So its great. All components were purchased on Amazon.com for rock bottom prices.
And, yes, I did move my socket 754 AMD processor chip myself over to the new mb, and added new thermal grease, and it was no problem.
I am an awesome nerd!

broken computer

2009-12-09T07:49:00.002-05:00

I have been busier than usual because my desktop computer suddenly quit working. And right before my trip too, so I am trying to pack, trying to get Christmas together and shipped before we leave, trying to clean up the house and yard so it doesn't get left in its usual sty-like condition. But also, since we have diagnosed that it is probably the hard drive going bad, I am trying frantically to get said hard drive to run just enough to transfer files to other media.

So remember to back up your data, people, don't be like me!!

I have two and a half years of pictures, and pretty much six month of itunes and other music that I don't want to lose. I have successfully transferred two thirds of the pictures and half the music. I also have five gamehouse computer games that I really want to keep. Perhaps because they were downloaded I can re-download them from the gamehouse site?!? I will look into that. And the last thing I might like to keep is the email, but there is probably nothing there that I can't live without.

So hah, you can resend all of those old, lame jokes, because I don't have them anymore, and I can't even complain about it.

Mostly, its just a pain, its taking hours of time, and then, after I get the data off, I have to dig into my computer's guts, set up a new hard drive, load windows again, get all of its updates again, and the whole time pray that it is not the motherboard that is fried and the old hard disk was actually okay after all. At least I have another hard drive, and its huge too. Yay, more to lose next time! I may need to look into one of those 'passport' things. Shoulda bought one at Walmart on Black Friday like I thought.

Common Sense

2009-12-04T13:02:00.004-05:00

My trip to Philadelphia and the Liberty Bell was really fun and educational. It was amazing seeing the places that were talked about in 7th grade American History, and the refresher course given by the NPS guide was very thorough. If I had taken a pre-quiz, I would have done miserably! Fortunately I was old enough to take it in, remember the key events, and to appreciate the significance of the buildings still standing. My daughter is just getting her start in history, and early in first grade, had learned about the Liberty Bell. How nice it was to be able to go and see it while it was still somewhat fresh in her mind.

What I didn't realize is how much there was to explore all in that area of Philadelphia. We only saw Independence Hall and the Bell. We took a carriage ride around the block, and saw that there was so much more available. There is the first churches of the area. The first Catholic Church didn't even look like a religious house because Catholics were persecuted by the Brittish.

We passed by the first Synagogue, founding fathers' houses and lodging, and I realize I could have spent a week exploring it all, and we had only allotted a few hours. Well, another time.

The whole experience, plus having read Dan Brown's latest brought me back to the founding fathers, and their vision for this country. I got my dad Glen Beck's version of Common Sense for a birthday present because I knew he would enjoy it. Well, he sent it back with me to read also. However, I decided to start with the original Thomas Payne version for several reasons: one, to see how Beck matched up with his effort, and two, to see how compelling the original was. The impact of Payne's pamphlet really cannot be underemphasized. He swayed many men towards the decision for colonial independence, and now, having read it, I can see why. It is everything I remember hearing in 7th grade about how unjust a king is, how rife with abuse a monarchy is, an how there must be a government by design and not chance. It is a compelling read, and I recommend it for anyone who's patriotism needs a boost.

Now, Beck's version leaves a little bit (okay a LOT) to be desired. The introduction was great, but when he goes on and on about how 'we' elected these yahoos and 'we' brought our current sad state of affairs on our own heads, I can't help but object, since I did vote, but did not vote for the yahoos in question. I was merely outnumbered. But how am I going to change everyone else's mind who did elect the detritus of society? So if you are reading this, please do me the favor of one, researching your elected political candidates so that you can weed out the corrupt, the wrong-headed, and the unjust, and two, vote for the good guys. It really is that simple. Get the facts, make your best pick, but be sure to pick. I can't phrase it any better than that, and neither can Glen Beck, although God knows he tried. If you have time, work for the campaign of someone you trust. If there is no one you can trust, consider running for office. Surely there are good, electable people out there, we just have to find them and elect them. Lets do it! Its Common Sense!

surfboard repair 1

2009-11-15T17:50:00.005-05:00

Finally had some time today to start the repair of the surfboard. You have my permission to skip this post, its really only meant to document what a nerd I am.

Okay, so the first repairs I attempted were small ones on the underside of the board. See a surfboard is basically a shaped piece of foam, wrapped in fiberglass cloth and enameled with epoxy or resin. So any bonks on rocks or shells or door handles can put a divot into the resin, and allow the board to become waterlogged. Waterlogged boards not only weigh a lot more, handle poorly, and fail to float, they can also smell bad. This board has a ways to go before it is water-tight.

So this first picture shows a previously repaired ding (left) right next to two small holes that I have now covered with fiberglass resin. On my first attempt, I used the resin with an overlay of smooth plastic. Would have worked great, but had bubbles under it that resembled pox upon drying. Not the smooth surface I was going for. So I tried a second time with another batch (this stuff dries in 10 minutes, so I am making only an ounce at a time), and I think I have the holes filled. I did sand it first, and it is really important to do so. In fact, the roughest sandpaper (40 grit) had the best results. The resin just peels off where it wasn't sanded.

This second picture that looks like garbage is what happens when I added pieces of fiberglass cloth (cut up) to the remaining resin to use as a filler. I pushed this sticky hairball into a much bigger crack to fill a hole. This crack went all the way through the board's fiberglass cloth shell right into the foam core, so I needed something to take up space in the hole. The second part of this repair is to sand it down and then use just resin to make it smooth.

An alternate is to wrap a patch of fiberglass cloth (intact) around the side rail of the board and resin it down, but that is not as smooth, and probably not necessary for the three inches of gash that this is.

See, as this third picture shows, sanded down, this same gash is filled very nicely. A layer of resin over the top and it will be smooth as butta'. As a side note, I do! tape off each repair in a little circle around the ding with some painters tape. That way, I can smear the resin around, and don't have to worry too much about it getting where it is not supposed to be. This was especially important for this rail because the resin drips over the side and will form permanant 'drips' on the top, like big zits (also not a look we are going for).

stay tuned for part 2

my aunt and other things

2009-11-15T12:02:00.002-05:00

So my aunt is out of the hospital, and my mom is off to visit her this week and help her recover from surgery. The nodes are clear, but unfortunately, not all of the cancer is out. There are some places on the abdominal wall that just could not be removed at this surgery because there was simply too much to take out at one time. So the surgeon wants to go back in in a couple of months. So, not out of the woods yet. I will update more when I hear from my mom when they visit the doctor.
Busy packing for a week in Pennsylvania. Tday is at my sister in law's parents house (soon to be her house!) Should be a fun week! Just have to pack efficiently, and not forget anything important. Like the gifts, and the contact lens solution, and the pan to roast the turkey in, and onand on...
Finished a few projects off (yay) like grouting, now I just need to seal the grout. I still need to paint in the kitchen - behind the fridge. Yeah, I know, its like the last place anybody looks, but it will help to have that done. It doesn't even have to be a good job, but it cannot be left undone.
At some point I have to Kilz the ceiling and paint it too. I just hope I have enough ecru left over from the bathrooms paintjob almost seven years ago.
I haven't been keeping up with much else... I haven't FB'd, I haven't hardly emailed anyone back in an appropriate time span. I feel like I am barely keeping afloat with the paying of bills. And am I going to write christmas cards? I think I will have to do a letter and print it out, or not bother. Maybe photo cards! I feel like every minute must be accounted for, and every minute must be used to do something useful, and I am running out of time. And I perversely waste time even when I know I must not. Its like perversely eating when you are not hungry, but you have some other stupid reason for it like "this will go bad unless I eat it now". Similarly, "I have to reply to my movie club mailing, but lets just see what they have on sale..." and thirty minutes goes by shopping for something I don't need, don't need to spend money on, using time I cannot afford to waste.
Okay, that was a rant!
Now off to something else...

great news about my aunt

2009-11-08T20:05:00.002-05:00

The great news is that none of my aunts lymph nodes were positive for cancer. Zero out of thirteen. That changes everything! Instead of asking the question, "How much time left?" we can ask the questions like, "How long does she have to have chemo for her to be in the clear?" "What does she need to eat to compensate for removal of some bowel, so that she will maintain her bone mass and get enough nutrition for the long-term?"
The whole outlook has changed.
Poor thing, though, I talked to her this morning, and she is still in pain, still nauseous, unable to eat yet, still in the hospital, still anemic and tired, and just plain down in the dumps. Believe me, I know what that is like. But the great news is that it is uphill from here. She will get stronger and she has a very good chance of beating this completely, not just living with it and slowly dying from it.
I have been craving salad, roughage, and healthy foods too! I do not want this happening to me in ten years. What a wake-up call!

I am feeling old

2009-11-06T22:07:00.002-05:00

Something about today was making me feel old. Most days, I don't feel that way. Sure, I don't feel young, but I don't usually feel as middle aged as I am. Today, however, wearing my old-lady looking shoes that are very comfortable, shopping for crafts, feeling my back hurt. One of my aunts is visiting my mom as I am this weekend, and she is doing well having had a knee replacement just two months ago. I know my mom will have to undergo another one soon, so I cannot help but think that it will be very likely for me since my knees are my weak link. My other aunt just had surgery to remove colon cancer. She is only 53, so it is quite a shock. We are waiting on the lab reports to know what stage it is and the prognosis. Of course, I wonder if that is my fate in a few decades. Or the fate of more people I am close to. I know it is morbid to think this way, but even halloween skeletons make me think about being a skeleton before too long. I also know it is useless to worry about it, the only thing I can do is stay positive and involved in life, trying to be me at my best.

self control

2009-10-26T20:40:00.002-04:00

I read this amazing book in one day. Titled "Precious" or "Push" by Sapphire, it was probably the most gut-wrenching thing I have ever read. Far worse than a gang rape of the different-ethnic-group boy in Afghanistan (ala Kite Runner) because it happened here in these United States, in my time, the late 80's. I don't have the words, just a warning: be prepared to cry, be disgusted, and to be so angry you cannot see straight if you take on the challenge of reading it. But it is ultimately a message of hope. Oh, and don't read it if you can't take swearing like a motherfucker, (of course, if you can't do that, why read my blog)?!
But the book really got me thinking about self control. Because Precious' parents had none. I mean NONE. No self control, no superego reining in the id, no self-aware sense of 'maybe I shouldn't do that,' basically no shame about the horrific things they had done. And then I had to think that the shame and self control really do go hand in hand.
Most people I know and are closest to have good self control up to a point, and then they have areas where it is not so good. I include myself in this group, although I have been less self-controlled in the past (*cough* swearing like a sailor for one thing), I am better than I was.
But if you perceive no shame with a particular action, you just don't have enough motivation to control the impulse to do that thing. Some people only experience shame when they get caught. Then, and only then, do they make the effort to control themselves and inhibit or modify the action that got them in trouble. Others feel shame at the slightest provocation, and go through quite a superhuman effort to squelch any hint of impropriety. There are a few (enlightened souls) who master their destructive impulses for the pure, logical benefit of themselves without being goaded by a sense of shame.
I have a hard time relating to people who are at either extreme of the spectrum. Honestly, how can you not be pathologically ashamed of yourself when you commit a really grotesque act? For example, I was reading a Newsweek blurb about a guy who recently was released from prison, his crime was for gunning down a chaperone who dared to tell him 'please leave my house' when he was roughhousing in it. How could you NOT be crippled by shame and remorse at this act? So stupid and senseless!
Neither do I relate well to those who have such an abundance of self control, who eat perfectly healthy foods all the time, exercise every day, volunteer, never say a bad word or gossip, get all their work done on time, keep a clean house, etc. They freak me out! How does someone have that MUCH self-control?!? Do they have that much self-awareness or self-imposed shame or are they truly one of those enlightened souls? I'm thinking of the Dalai Lama, here.
Maybe we have more self control about the things that are not too difficult to manage. Like, drinking alcohol, for me, is not something I lose control over. I can easily have one or none and stop. Sure, I would feel shame if I got too drunk , but that really isn't what stops me from overindulging. I haven't taken any drugs that might lead to indulgence issues, but what stops me there is a different reason entirely, more like a personal moral that I hold inviolate for myself, and has to do with the uncle I lost when I was young.
But how is it that I have so little self control when it comes to foods, particularly the non-nutritive ones? Its not like I don't feel shame if Ihave eaten too much. Not like I don't feel shame every time my pants are too tight or (God forbid!) I have to buy a larger size. And yet that shame is offset by the pleasure of the act. It doesn't matter how many times I am 'caught', I cannot seem to impose even moderation on myself. Maybe if there were more of a one-to-one correlation with eating and consequences, I could do it. But metabolism can be a tricky wild card. I can eat poorly for three days and not gain an ounce. Or I can eat really well for a week and not lose an ounce. For me, it is not clear what the magic formula is other than hunger. The more hours in a day I experience hunger the more weight I lose. But who can live that hungry?!?

anxiety

2009-10-25T19:03:00.003-04:00

Now that I am older, I find that I am anxious about fewer and fewer things. I don't know if it is just age and experience or if it is my situation...in that I am not in a nine to five job, trying to balance work and home and time crunching the whole time. So many things used to make me very anxious when I was younger, and even envisioning trying to juggle my old job and a new baby was enough to make me break out in nervous hives. However my current life in not filled with anxiety. If money becomes a big issue, I will just go back to work. If things go wrong, I will just figure out how to fix it. It is a more practical mindset, and I enjoy and appreciate having it.
There are some things though that still make my heart race and fill my dreams with dread. Besides roaches, I mean. Even roaches don't inspire the venom in me that I used to emit, but something else does...people. Specifically strangers. I still really worry about meeting new people. I have terrible new person anxiety, and that has not improved much. It came to a head recently because I picked up my surfboard.
I hate making cold phone calls,. I loathe trying to sell anything. I love the anonimity of ebay and online catalogues where you don't have to actually know the person you are buying from. Why? Because people can be so random! You don't know when you might be trying to break the ice by making a little joke only to have it slice into a stranger's sore spot causing pain and humiliation everywhere. And then there are the people you just don't like. The ones you would cross the street to avoid on any given day or never talk to even in you were in the same long line. But now you are thrown together in a situation, and you just don't know how this is going to turn out.
So the surfboard, wisely, is pick-up only. So I have to go meet this person selling it to retrieve it. This brings out all my old anxieties. The only thing I have to go on is some amazingly poorly spelled emails and the sense of dignity one holds by being a buyer who has already paid. I had to go to a flea market to pick up the surfboard. Talk about a nightmare for anyone with stranger anxieties. My dreams had all been about arguments with these unnamed people with whom I must conduct business, ranging from haggling over price to the dreaded phrase "Oh, someone else already came to get it - its gone!" So when the day finally came to perform this errand, I was not very rested or calm.
However, I found the seller without a hitch, and retrieved the board which was the perfect size although not in the perfect condition as i hoped. It is going to need quite a bit of repair work. The good news is, I have all winter to do this! And it is not difficult work, just tedious, to sand all the dings, tape them off, and fill them with epoxy. The nose and the tail of the board are the worst, and I think I will actually have to re-fiberglass them to make them watertight. However, I am hopeful. Thanks to the internet and the knowledge of perfect strangers, I have seen blogs and youtube videos on exactly all the repairs I need to do. Hurray information age!
Now if I can just get out of meeting anybody else... Scratch that! I still have to buy the supplies to do the repairs!
The weird thing is that sometimes the strangers that you most fear are the ones that become your good friends. It is a magical transformation, like falling in love, where suddenly you just connect on a deeper level. You just 'get' each other and suddenly you are not so alone anymore. It is miraculous in my view that all the anxiety can just flush out like releasing a breath.

sneak peek

2009-10-16T17:09:00.002-04:00

Here is your sneak peek for Halloween. Too much cuteness!

updates on everything

2009-10-15T09:51:00.003-04:00

Surfboard... I bought one! I will pick it up this weekend. It has a few dings that need repairing, so I will be playing with epoxy soon. SOOOOOOO excited, and so is daughter.

Chiggers....really suck. We still have itchy scabs

Washer...still works like a charm

James Joyce...wrote at least one awful book. Yes, I finally finished "Portrait..." and my main complaint is this: Nothing actually happened. There was no plot. There were a lot of discussions and dialogues. I guess it is famous for this aspect, and its title does accurately reflect the fact that nothing fucking happens in this whole dumb book, but still...forewarned in this case did not mean fore-armed. There is a whole middle section about the Catholic Church's vision of Hell, and how awful it is. I would consider banning this book for children of a certain impressionable age, but then, they would never have gotten past chapter one, so there's really no need to ban it. However, it did make me realize one (of the myriad) ways in which the Catholic Church's religion is totally crazy and why people brought up Catholic are so mental the rest of their lives. That description of Hell is a lot of shit to deal with! Ninety percent of it is not even in the Bible...its just made up by priests who have nothing better to do but think up all the ways Hell could me made worse than the apostle John described in Revelations. No wonder I am not a Christian and I hate what the church (particularly Catholic) has done to people, information, and books.

Biting...well you know how 'cutting' is out and more mainstream now. Back in middle school, one of my friends was a 'cutter'. She totally fit the profile: perfectionist, quiet, smart, anxious. Well, I didn't cut myself, but I did bite my own arm on occasion back then. Its just a release for anxiety when you don't perform as well as you expect yourself to and you are so mad you literally don't know what to do with yourself. I never have urges to do this anymore, but something about reading that book brought up all those self-damaging emotions of adolescence. Hey! Maybe THAT was the point of the book. Its all so clear now....as mud!

Halloween costume for my daughter... Is so CUTE! I sewed it myself, and it is a cat costume in the most luxurious leopard print imaginable. Now we just need a cold front for the end of October.
Hey, speaking of cold fronts...where the fuck is it?!?! GAWD I am tired of the heat and most especially the humidity. We have fleas and roaches all over the place because of the damp, hot, moist, close air. I swear October is the worst month in Gainesville. It is no hotter than July. Its just that it feels so wrong! Many leaves are turning brown, the Sycamores and Tulip trees have already shed their leaves. You know that it should be cool and crisp with the smell of apples, cinnamon and squashes in the air. But its NOT!

Ebay...I had special eBay luck yesterday. I just love it when that happens. I got bargains on things I wanted, and now I just have to wait for them to show up in my mailbox. Such Bliss! Its almost as good as ordering from Amazon. My husband is enthralled with our latest Amazon splurge... Burn Notice seasons 1 and 2. That is really a good show - even from the very first episode. We also got Disney Fairy chapter books this last purchase, and they are surprisingly good and well written too! My daughter is not quite quick enough at reading to do the chapter books herself. However, she can read the level 4 (2nd to 4th grade) steadily. It is so amazing! I am so proud of her progress and how well she is reading, and I just know she is going to be one of those who stays up until midnight with the flashlight on under her covers. Maybe as early as next year. That puts a smile on my face

One last Gainesville flashback for all you wanderers. I heard on the radio this morning:
'Its Magical
Its Wonderful
Its all right there!'

(can you guess it yet?)

(teehee)

(sing it with me now...)

' The Alachua County Faiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrre
We're goin' to the Faiiiiiirrrrrrrre'

Repeat ad infinitum.

Actually, I have never made it to the fair, but I sure hope that chick who sings that commercial on the radio has gotten dividends and royalties for the last twenty years because it is still the SAME song Every YEAR!

my mind rebels...

2009-10-14T11:53:00.002-04:00

I am reading the boringest book ...EVER
And it is called
The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
By James Joyce
Why did anyone publish this enormous festering pool of mental pus?
Let alone laud it?!?
I am so restless, I could bite myself.
But last time I made a mark
and that was embarassing
so I won't do that again
Not because of the pain but because of the mark
Throw in a few more big words and arduously looping comments
and I could be published and lauded too.

surfboard dreams

2009-10-12T21:26:00.003-04:00

I have noticed that I obsess about one thing for a month and then its on to the next thing. So inopportunely, in October (although it is a HOT one), I am lately obsessing about having a surfboard for myself and daughter. We may have permanently given up hiking due to the chiggers, as even I cannot muster the enthusiasm to have a nice walk in the woods after looking at my scabs. However, I do love the beach, and I do love the waves and I recently saw the coolest Dad ever. He was on his longboard with his three year old son on the nose. He didn't even get up, but he was able to catch the wave so his son could do some nose-riding. I thought, "Hey, even I could do that!" Daughter is game, too. She is enamored with the new Toon network series 'Stoked' about six teens working at a surf resort and catching waves in their very spare time. Its like 6-Teen but way cooler, funner, and has some really beautiful (although simple) graphics that just make you want to smile and...SURF! Plus a kickin' theme song which I sing to her every so often just to make her grin. Do I think I have a real surfer girl on my hands? Will she turn pro at age 15? I seriously doubt it, but this would be a fun thing to do together that doesn't involve bug bites, whining, or anything more expensive than a tank of gas and a mcdonalds lunch. Well, except for the
Surfboard.
Yeah, I don't have one anymore. I DID have one about ten years ago. Okay, it was 1994. I was a lot more phat and a lot less fat back then. I had a seven foot pointed-nose board that I bought used with a few duct-taped dings and tried like hell to ride...and I never managed to stand up on it even once. I was so upset that I couldn't make it work in the waves off Crescent Beach. I had learned to surf like every other tourist - in Hawaii, off Waikiki beach on a ten-foot wooden board that would have floated a sumo wrestler. So, I didn't consider that a performance board would require a lot more effort to catch a wave and would sail like a kite when caught by the repetitive pounding surf and offshore breeze that is hallmark of the Matanzas inlet. I never managed to paddle, push or drag it past the break point of the waves. Again and again I was rebuffed and humiliated. It didn't occur to me that I didn't have to go that far out or even stand up to have a fun ride. I saw a pair of surfers having a great time surfing the mild breaking waves and basically using their logs as oversized boogie boards. Why didn't I think of that before?!? No, I got sick, bought a house, grew up and yard saled the old board for 20 bucks.
And, now I am shopping for a new one. Actually, specifically, not a new board, not a board with a pointed nose, not a short board at all. I am haunting craigslist, garage sales and everything else I can think of to see what I can find. Maybe its the time of year, the weather, or something, but there are some longboards out there and interestingly, there are several other longboard-seekers too.
I figure I will find the perfect log...just in time for a cold front and twenty-degree drop in ocean temperature. And, I will have to put my current obsession on hold for six months, and jump with both feet into some other thing that will probably cost some money, singing the famous chant, "Just wait til next year!!!"

Chigger washer update

2009-10-09T19:23:00.002-04:00

There were at least thirty chigger bites on myself and fifty on my poor daughter. Talk about mother's guilt...I thought she had gotten away with nothing (and I was happy because it is a lot easier to suffer torture than to watch anyone else undergo it), but it turns out that her reaction was just delayed by two days or so. Finally, I have stopped itching right at the peak of my daughter's misery. The only thing that saved us was Aveeno oatmeal bath (can we sleep in it?) and Benadryl. I was taking four benadryls a night every night this week, and I have been keeping my daughter doped up on it too. Nothing else helped for very long. Fortunately the end is in sight because the severe itchy stage immediately precedes the scabbing-over and healing stage. (the first stage is pain, then a hard swelling, like a nodule). These symptoms in order are what differentiate chiggers from any other insect bites, but what a hideous progress.
Eight loads of wash later...
I love my new Kenmore. I got really worried because of course right after I signed the paperwork and confirmed the delivery of the new HE2Plus, I was reading all the terrible reviews on line for this washer. Leaks, bad computers, mildew smell, noise, 'walking', lost socks. You name it - anything that could go wrong was blamed on this model. So, I was super cautious at first, loading only towels and shirts I could afford to ruin. But dang, the very first load got everything whiter than they had been in three months. It uses very little water. It does spin at 1100 rpms so it wrings out the clothes so well that I do not have to use the dryer over 30 minutes for anything, any size load. It uses a fraction of the special HE detergent (yes I had to buy new and toss five bottles of the old stuff). I think a lot of the bad reviews are from people who don't want to shell out for a different style of detergent or don't want to make sure the washer is level. I did spend over an hour on the ground adjusting the legs so that the washer is almost perfectly level, but I also wanted the spinning parts to last as long as possible, and I didn't want it to 'walk' around. As for the smell, every manufacturer now recommends wiping the rubber door seal dry and keeping the door open to air the drum - common sense stuff for a moldy environment like Florida.
So far, so good, and I will be sure to post my favorable review in a few months.

chiggers and washers

2009-10-05T19:08:00.002-04:00

I am totally zoning on double-dose Benadryl tablets, so if this post fails to make sense, well, now you know why...
Why am I on Benedryl (and double dosing, at that)? That is because I am covered with oozing itchy painful chigger mite bites. No, I am not 'drowning them by putting nail polish on the bites'. What I am doing is mentally kicking myself for agreeing to have a picnic with my daughter at O'Leno State Park in late September. The weather cooled and dried to perfection, it didn't even occur to me that there wouldn't be enough permethrin or DEET in the world to keep my skin intact this day. So, I was unarmed and unprepared, and never even saw them coming. We did see an alligator, several deer and many turtles, so that was good. My daughter got two deer ticks which I didn't see until two days later. So far no fever rash or any other indication of Lyme (knock on wood).
Plus also! The washing machine broke down after 14 years of hard service, it no longer agitates. So, now I cannot wash my chigger infested clothes. If in fact chiggers can infest clothes, I am in deep doo-doo, but I don't think that they can stay viable for long. I think all of them already found me, and sucked me dry.
My mom had a garage sale, but it was not very lucrative. At least it wasn't a whole lot of work, but I wish now that we hadn't tried to pull it off on short notice. She is going on a long trip to Europe soon, and it really could have been put off. I felt like I was working double, and I know she was, too. I have gotten so lazy about doing things. I am a born procrastinator, but it is not always the best way to get things done. So many things late or half-assed, that I wish I could have done over or differently.
On the up side, the new washer should arrive tomorrow. If it is not a lemon, it ought to work wonderfully and maybe even save water and electricity. Daisy Scouts should start soon and Dance class for daughter this week. I have started work on a Halloween costume that dear daughter loves, and I have a lot of minis to paint while Cynde is away at first a show and later visiting her beautiful newborn granddaughter. Also, I have chilled rum cream in my fridge....if I can't numb my chigger bites, I can numb my mind!

What is kids' homework coming to?!?

2009-09-16T11:49:00.002-04:00

You should read the homework problems my first grader is trying to do in just the fourth week of school:

Ben eats the most candy corn, Jen eats more than Len, Jen eats less than Ken, Zen eats less than Len. Put them in order from most to least.

Find the mystery number. If you add me to myself and then add 2 more, the result is 14. What number am I?

I hardly even know where to begin to explain to my daughter how to go about approaching these problems. It is so different than when I was taught where it was all memorization. I guess in a way, it is good to challenge their thinking. But Sheesh! Isn't this kind of a big leap from last week where it was just 'how many children have birthdays in September'?!?

Poor thing was obviously overwhelmed and frustrated. I would have been, too. Break out the popsicle sticks and pennies...I have a hands-on learner. What inthe heck is she going to do when it comes time for a math test? Pack her a roll of pennies and dimes? Or shouldn't I worry about that!?! And the biggest question: What are we going to get at the end of this torture... a bunch of geniuses that can define a 'quark' or a bunch of miserable frustrated kids who still cannot give proper change for a twenty dollar bill if the cash register breaks?

My real dilemma is this: Do I teach my daughter in the way I was taught... memorization, flash cards, times tables, etc just so that she can feel confident now, but maybe will be rusty on word problems later (like I was), or do I let her struggle through it, complete with crying outbursts and reminders to listen to the teacher during lectures, so that she will be able to think about word problems differently and better than I did?

Asus Eee Pc - a review

2009-09-13T09:51:00.003-04:00

I do have a new netbook which I bought off eBay. The reason I was even looking to buy one is that the laptop was on the fritz and we were looking around in Best Buy and they had the little things everywhere. I tried to type on a couple of HP Minis and found that I made a dozen typographical errors due to the keyboard. Its not that the letters were small, its that the keys were not shaped well - they were flat and square like chicklets, so my fingers slid off. Also, the F and J keys barely had any raised dashes to help your fingers find the home position. Then I tried the Asus, and I could type a whole lot better. The screens, though small, were amazingly clear and readable, and I really loved the idea of carrying around a mini laptop rather than my bigger heavy Dell Latitude CPx which takes a full 10 minutes to boot up ubuntu.

A note on Linux. As far as operating systems go, we don't have too much choice. We can have the evil conglomerate that is run by Bill Gates deciding your every move. It is ubiquitous, its pricey, it is full of security leaks that they are only finally closing. I would never condone computer viruses, but I do understand how people can get so angry with Windows that they would be inspired to sabotage it. You should have heard my swearing sessions when I had to type a lab procedure into word, or compute means and standard deviations with excel. Plus, I never liked how Microsoft bullied and took over smaller companies to steal their good software ideas and make them under their own umbrella. Unfortunately, for a while, the only alternative was DOS or Linux Red Hat, both minimally graphical, and frankly difficult, with all the command prompts and the memorized obscure codes for doing things. But I like the idea of open source software, where people code together to make things better. I didn't see that it was a workable solution until the old laptop's Win98 OS expired (thank you Bill). Without the continued support of 98, there were still gaping holes in security and other software (like Adobe) that could not be upgraded. Rather than toss the laptop, I got enthused by ubuntu, a flavor of linux that is open source AND graphical, so I successfully installed Intrepid Ibex (8.04). And does work, but it really does take a looooooooong time to boot up and shut down, plus I shorted out my second battery, and the poor Dell may end up as a paperweight or landfill fodder soon. 8.04 is easy to use, reminds me of Win 98 which I was most comfortable with. The finding of drivers (so difficult with Microsoft) was immediate and intuitive with I.Ibex. The downside? Okay, this is really petty...I wanted to change the desktop background. Its really easy with Windows, but I can't figure out how to do it with linux. And I am tired of looking at the brown dirt painting, and the flat gray is not an option for me. See, even writing it, I can see that is such a lame reason not to like I.Ibex.

So back to the netbook: Dell laptop was having trouble getting power, battery was blown, so I started shopping on Ebay for an Asus. I figured I didn't need that much hard disk space, because I was NOT going to put all my music and photos on, I just needed a little pc for web-browsing, checking email, and writing documents. I found out that many Asus, especially the 700's and 900 series use a linux-based OS, so that didn't scare me. I found a netbook at a great price, got it home, plugged it in and quickly filled (overfilled) its 4GB of solid-state hard drive space. So much for being able to save a written document. Now, it had so little memory that I literally could not bookmark a website. Seriously!! Upon more investigation, I found out that this is a common problem with my model number (900a), and the best solution was to install ubuntu netbook remix. Why not upgrade the hard drive? Two big reasons: the first is that the solid state drive is soldered into the mini-PCMI card, so you have to swap out the whole card with a different card that has more SSD's soldered onto it. the second is that the bigger card costs as much as I spent on the netbook. However, I did not want to jump into UNR OS because I was having an easy time navigating the Xandros flavor of Linux that was pre-installed. I did a system recovery and found that the space required by this Xandros OX was 3.6 Gigs of my 4. In addition, there was an update that was forced to run, reducing my memory space to a mere 0.13 Gigabytes. On top of that there were 29 other updates, some of which were not meant for my model number, and others of which took up the remaining space. What about deleting things I didn't need? The Xandros OS made it impossible. You could delete it, but you didn't get your disk space back. The only way to get more disk space was by using a lot of code on a blogger's post to shrink the read-only partition and grow the usable partition. Too much for me. So I went with UNR and it seems to be working really well. I got the newest version of ubuntu which is the Jovial Jackelope (9.0), and I like the desktop a whole lot better. Plus it has the tabs (large style icons) that I liked with the Xandros OS. And now, I have a whole gig to myself for saving stuff, even after the updates. Presumably, I can also delete old documents and recover disk space if I need to.

Lastly, with all the researching into shrinking and growing partitions, I was able to resurrect, and make even more usable the old Dell laptop, so now I have Edubuntu for Brianna on it, again cool desktop background, and sufficient space. Still really slow booting up, though; the netbook boots up much more quickly, so it really is ideal for travel.

things I have learned recently

2009-09-10T12:24:00.002-04:00

1. If you are going to grout tile, it pays to buy the real rubber grout float and not buy the 'economy' foam grout float. I wish they had run that as a banner under the HGTV program. Now wouldn't that be cool? If they had a running banner of home tips while the shows were on? Like headline news, but only for home improvement? That would have saved me an hour of wringing out a wet sponge and the shocked trauma of my fore-arm muscles.
2. 4GBs is not a big enough hard drive no matter how much ram you have. Well, I didn't know until recently. In fact it is so obviously not enough, that manufacturers really should be spanked for making such hardware decisions. They ought to recall them and put in 8GBs. I am speaking of my new netbook which I love, but it has been fraught with space issues and it is going to be a battle that continues. I know I should quit bitching about it since I only spent $139 on it, but in my defence... I did think that 4 GBs would be enough at the time I bought it, not realizing that the OS took up 3.6 of that space and all the updates take another Gig. As you have now figured out 4 is not enough.
3. I need to do yoga or some hamstring stretching EVERY day to keep my hip/sacro/illiac/back from hurting. If I do it, I am fine. If I say, "I'm fine, I can skip a day" I am not going to be fine any longer. It is a testament to my stupidity or stubborn-ness that it took months to come to this simple conclusion. So ...triangle pose...breathe deeply...repeat mantra...."I must stretch every day of my life"

Okay, that's all I can remember for today. Back to watching TV...
4. Oh wait one more thing...iTunes now has iTunes U which is like college lectures and they are FREE. So you can learn stuff for FREEEE. Man do I love a bargain. Which probably explains 1. and 2.

Labor Day

2009-09-07T13:50:00.002-04:00

Now that I do not have a regular hours job, I have a hard time figuring out when I should be working and when I should be relaxing. I have a whole list of chores to do, a long list of want-to-do's and of course, the competition for my attention among my daughter, husband, and cats. Don't underestimate the cats...they are as greedy for love as anyone else in this house. The sum answer is that I run around a lot getting many things half done, some things fully done half-assed and few things completely well performed. I know it is really no different from when I was working 8 to 5 elsewhere. In fact, it was much the same ratio of outcomes. Its just that when I had a place to go to be working, it divided my time better so that when I was at work, I was fully engaged in work. When I was at home, it was time for relaxing or home chores. Now, when I can't ever seem to be 'done' with anything (laundry always has to be done, cleaning, neatening, painting, and momming), I am less organized. Sometimes I even invent chores that are single jobs that can be completed simply so that I have something I can acoomplish and check off my list.
The other problem with this arrangement is that I seem to have no down-time. I don't have as much time for myself and my own interests. I feel a little guilty ignoring the other demands to carve out a little space. What I don't know is whether this is the normal state of being a parent or whether I am particularly poor at time management and planning. I have gone through the Franklin Covey what matters most series, and I think I am on-track in the big picture. But I do have times where I feel like my life is slipping out of me and I cannot control it, slow it, or even change course. Sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with me? How can I be so book smart and life stupid?
I think this must be where religion helps people, particularly when their faith encourages the giving-up of control to God. I sometimes envy those who do this, but then I think about how they also can't take credit for doing something well (after all, God actually did it). So I am stuck.

into Thin Air

2009-08-15T11:31:00.002-04:00

Just outside of Denver is a state recreation area where you can drive to the top of a 14,000 foot peak on the world's highest elevation paved road. Usually, when a
road gets up to that elevation, no one bothers to pave it, they just leave it as dirt or gravel. I was greatful for the paving, even though my step-dad's driving left me sweaty, white knuckled and praying! To be fair, his tires only left the pavement once...
Anyway, the view was spectacular, and we actually found some snow to play in. Little Miss is posing in front of peak and snow. Down at Echo Lake we had a delightful picnic, tried out the tread on the hiking boots, and fed ducks. On the drive were the most glorious wild flowers. Colorado and Wyoming had better amounts of rain than usual, so the plants responded with gusto. At the top we saw mountain goats and a big-horned sheep. The drive down was not nearly as hair-raising as the way up. At the peak, there was a trail to the very tip of the rockpile summit, but there was also a snow patch lower down. We opted for snow, climbed carefully over chunky rocks and daughter was reminded of how icy and crunchy it was. She claimed to not ever remember snow, but she had played in it before. Its just such a rarity for a Florida child that it becomes special. Snow in the middle of summer is even more fun! There may be more snow in our future, since her appetite for it has been whetted, and now we have more north-dwelling relatives to visit.

dances with wolves? pees with horses!

2009-08-10T21:53:00.002-04:00

The funniest thing that happened in Wyoming was the night spent in the teepee and the usual call of nature. The reason I was in a teepee goes way back to the spring when my mother was planning our trip as a driving vacation. She was researching fun things to do in South Dakota and Wyoming on the way from Minneapolis to Denver. She really wanted to do some horseback riding, but she didn't want to round up cows or just ride with a guide. She found on a website that there were overnight tours where the guides drive the chuckwagon and fix the food for dinner and you spend the night out in the wild and ride back to civilization in the morning. My mom is not known for her adoration of the outdoors, so it surprised me that she was even willing to consider spending a night in a teepee. However, the reassurance of cots and port-a-potties as well as a large strong horse to carry her moved her to make the reservation for a trip. Later, when we weren't going to drive from Minneapolis to Denver, but fly...well, I thought 'there goes that idea'. Mom surprised me again by deciding to rent a car and drive up and ride as planned. My mom and I had ridden horses enough to feel like we could do this, but I was worried about whether my daughter could safely ride. It turns out that the guide also had reservations about it and only agreed to let her ride in the chuckwagon and later on a horse as long as it was halter-led. I was fine with this, as was she, so the reservation stood. My daughter was excited that her gramma was going to spend a night in a teepee ... the closest she had ever been to camping.
The ride was great! My mom and I agreed that the first minute or two on the horse gave us a real "oh, shit!" moment when we weren't sure we could do this, but we both settled down and remembered what to do. Daughter survived the chuckwagon ride (it was bumpier and steeper than she had dared to hope). The ambiance was not all it could be since our ride just took us on a loop around a mesa, and the chuckwagon did not bring our food (the F150 did), but the view of the teepees by the river was so idyllic. We had a generous meal of overcooked chopped steaks, salad, fruit and desert and then it came time to inspect the sleeping arrangements.
Mom chickened out. Ostensibly, it would have been difficult for her to get up and down off an air mattress in the night, wander two hundred yards to the port-o-lets and repeat. I could hardly believe she didn't stick it out just to say she had done it - slept in a teepee, but she opted for the motel. My daughter was so sad not to see her gramma camp, too.
So what does a female do when camping in the pitch dark (haven't seen that many stars in years!) a fair hike from the relief station? She tries to hold it, that's what. And I did fairly well in that department, but when you have to go, you just have to go. All night I had heard the horses grazing around the outside of the teepee and relieving themselves (in great gushes of moisture), so I figured that the hike was optional. Out I crawled at four in the morning, moon up high and bright, and found a nice little spot with a slant away from the sleeping area. I dropped my drawers and felt the blessed relief, looked up and saw several pairs of eyes on me...
the horses. They had all stopped chewing, ears pricked, staring at me while I peed. Apparently, no one had ever demonstrated the human method for them. They couldn't believe their eyes and ears. It was a bit unnerving to have them all be so interested, so I finished and hurried back inside. The sun rose just an hour later. Had I known that I might have waited for the light and made the hike.

being a Thien

2009-07-09T22:13:00.003-04:00

Most people might think that gravestone rubbings are morbid, but today I did one. Yes, I found my great great great grandfather's marker. The lettering was so faded, that I thought, 'If I don't do a rubbing this trip, we might never be able to read this again!' So in German...here lies J.H.Thien, founder of Thiensville, WI, without whom I would not be. I thought it was really neat. We also went to the village and lurked about the millrace and dam that he (had) built. Dear daughter was bored out of her wits, but I tried to impress upon her that most people do not know even the names of their ancestors let alone the things that they did. We are very lucky in this respect. We also got to see the civil war relics from a different great great grandfather who was a captain in the Ohio cavalry. The best part was seeing a one-hundred-fifty year old hard-tack biscuit. Looked like you could still eat it! I never cared much for history before, but I have figured out that the real appeal is in how it relates to yourself, personally. I am totally absorbed by my personal history. I can understand how general history is interesting in how we get to be the way we are. So now I have a grave rubbing, a land sale plat map and a few pictures, but the big picture is in my head.

brief checkin before checking in

2009-07-01T22:17:00.002-04:00

It is late Wednesday, and I will be getting up in 6 hours to fly to Chicago to visit my stepbrother, his wife and their adorable children. This is the first leg of a multi-city, multi-relative tour. my suitcase only weighs 40 pounds and has my mother's family history scrapbook in it, which for me, is a coup! we will be gone for three weeks, but hope to find laundry along the way. Otherwise, i will not smell very nice. daughter's suitcase is small, stuffed, but not very heavy, which is perfect. I resisted using a big bulky suitcase, but since I am the one heaving it up, down and sideways, i think size is a consideration, as much as weight. I am using a new jansport with nice turquoise targets on it, hating those ubiquitous red or black bags everyone else seems to have. Okay, dear daughter's is red, but I didn't buy it, it was a hand-me-down. One fact of life is that the more you weigh, the more your clothes weigh, and the heavier your luggage is. between that and the size of airline seats, there is enough reason to lose some of my pounds. It is a battle that is at a stalemate right now.

I was hoping for a big fireworks display for the 4th, and my kin assure me that their tiny town will deliver, but I am a little disappointed that we are not going downtown or someplace bigger. With small kids, though, I can see why they don't want to this year.
also, I am anxious about the weather. It has been so hot in Gainesville - 95 every day, muggy, and now finally getting some rain. Dear d has gotten used to being very warm, and if it is noticeably cool, there will be much complainage. Yet, i packed clothes for us for cooler weather. So if it is not cool, I will be the one complaining. You really cannot win if you have a big body and a small suitcase.

My baby is six

2009-05-15T15:42:00.002-04:00

My dear little girl is a very grown up six, as of yesterday. I am reminded of how far she has come whenever I look at my computer screen-saver and see her little baby face and how much she has changed and grown. B loves to see her baby pictures, and she will sit at the computer with the arrow keys going back and forth between photos of herself.
We went to Magic Kingdom yesterday, since the birthday person can get in free. Then, they get a large button to wear so that everyone knows its their birthday. It was amazing to see how many people had been born on May 14th! Disney sure knows what its doing with this guest promotion. It was hot, but not crazy hot. It rained promptly at 4pm. And it really wasn't too crowded - we never waited more than 20 minutes for a ride. Space Mountain was closed for refurbishing but we rode the other rollercoasters thrice each. I had the worst headache ever on the drive home, but the day was worth the pain. Bri had a great time and she was wished 'Happy Birthday' by every cast member. We ate cheeseburgers twice and ice cream. I was so proud of her because she walked miles and miles in the heat with almost no complaint, didn't even whine about anything, and she knew what she wanted to ride and in what order.
I had to rush back to Gville last night because today was her Kindergarten play, "How does your garden grow?" She had the first speaking lines, and she said them well. She wasn't that much into the singing, but the whole thing was so cute, it was a really great experience. We had cupcakes for her classmates in the afternoon. Of course we bought fairies with her birthday money (the only thing I said 'no' to was the $65 tinkerbell dress).
In some ways, she is still so little, though. Today she said that she was 'almost' a teenager, and I had to tell her she was less than half way there (thank goodness). She is blissfully naive about love and sex and truly does not understand why most stories have a love-interest theme. She dresses with care and modesty by natural inclination. Her favorite play is imagination stories of her own making - she rather resents rules imposed by parents, adults, gravity and other realities. She is brave enough to pet a hissing cockroach if someone else is holding it, but not enough to catch her own lizard. She dearly wants to pet a squirrel, duck, and sparrow, and doesn't understand why she cannot. She can say "DUUUuuuuh" with the best of them, but doesn't perceive that she has learned to read and write this year; that she couldn't do it last year. She is old enough to type a document on the computer about her favorite things! She wants to be so many things when she grows up: a kitty vet, a writer, a home decorator, a nurse, a ballet instructor, a kindergarten teacher.
She is my baby, but not a baby. She is growing, and so fast, too. It is so amazing, this process of growing up. I love seeing it this close up. Motherhood is amazing.

Spring Break driving adventures

2009-04-29T19:55:00.004-04:00

Did you know that there are over 50 billboard signs for that stupid South of Border along I-95 (southbound) in North Carolina before you actually hit Dillon, SC? That place is so cheesy, my daughter and I may just have to visit before she grows up too much. I will have to see if we are allowed to climb the sombrero tower before I commit to staying there, though. It is a comfortable drive from our town to Dillon in one day, so it is within the realm of possibility...
We took the scenic route north when travelling to (almost) Trenton, and it really was pretty. I found this road that is basically an interstate highway, but almost nobody is on it. Sorta like the Suncoast Parkway in Florida - sadly underutilized. In North Carolina the roadside forests were draped with wisteria in full bloom. The medians were congested with daffodils. I found a buffet in Cheraw, SC that had some tasty fried chicken. I could tell that it used to be a Quincy's because it had the same layout, food warming islands and color scheme as our town's old Quincy's. However, the drive north went poorly after Charlottesville, Virgina (where UVA is). What is it with university towns and their absolute inability to build enough roads to handle traffic?!? (see Gainesville, Morgantown, etc). There were roads, but each one was filled to the maximum, peppered with useless traffic signals designed to slow the progress of those on the main road. When I finally got north of the worst of it, I was in this very pretty rolling hills, and frustrated by other slow drivers. Then two cars zoomed past, and I attempted to keep pace with them. Now, I did not want to drive only 62 in a 60 mph zone, but neither did I think it was a good idea to drive 72, either, as I soon found out when a Virginia state trooper pulled over both cars just a mile ahead of me. I was going about 68 and deciding the locals were not slow for no reason, after all. So I made the decision to get back on the interstate rather than continue on the slower byways. Wouldn't you know I found a large truck center near the last few miles? So many semis on these little country roads. I was glad to get back on the highway even if I did have to skirt DC. The two good things about it: Snow flurries in Virgina and taking the high-occupancy-vehicle lane exit to 495 which had a super-fun roller-coaster dip right off the exit ramp. "Do it AGAIN!" yelled my daughter. Wish I could, baby, maybe next year...

getting back into it

2009-04-28T10:33:00.002-04:00

I am finally getting back into the groove after Spring Break and this yucky cold we passed around. Also, I have been wasting my computer time by watching old Survivor seasons on YouTube - it is great fun catching up, and I have seen both season 1 and 2 now. The house chores seem to just pile up, so I made a dent by vacuuming the porch (really the best way to remove the layer of pollen and cat dirt) and bleaching the skylights until I am dizzy and my nose-hair curls.
I have also made the decision to remove a bicycle from this household. This is a major hurdle for me. I am in love with bicycles. I love to ride them, build them, tune them and dream about new parts. Much of my money I earned as a laboratorian was sunk into bicycles, so for me to give one up feels like giving up the whole hobby. But realism prevails. Realistically, I cannot keep this one bike going - it uses special rubber elastomers as shock absorbers. This rubber rots in the Florida heat, so I need a continual supply to keep riding this bike. There is no way to engineer around it (its a pro-flex). The last time I bought the elastomers (three years ago) they were 20 dollars each (I need two), and the bike store said they only had two left and no new supplier. I didn't buy the last two, figuring someone else may need them. Realistically, I have not even gotten much use of the last two I bought. So I have decided to disassemble the bike, scavenging the parts I can for my old bike, and tossing out the old frame. I would recycle the steel frame, but I don't know how or where. You can't even recycle old baby carseats, except if you live in Denver. It is a disposable society. I have fought it long enough, though. I don't even want to give the bike away, because the recipient would just have the same hassles and headaches. That is no gift! So it is an end to my multi - bike era.

update on phone and fan

2009-04-02T21:22:00.002-04:00

The ceiling fan works! "It Blows!" said my dear husband. The up side is that I got it finished while daughter was at school, it moves tons more air than the old fan, and it is prettier too. The down side is that halfway through the install, I ran out of cuss words I was so mad. Seriously, when the best you can come up with is "Get in there you fucking fuck-face fucker," you need to either take a break or grab a thesaurus. Also, I have aches in my forearms and shoulders from wielding a screwdriver above my head for so long. Still it was worth it to flip the breaker and see it purr to life (rather than spark, arc-weld to the light fixture and explode). No I didn't peek into the attic. By the time I was finished, I had 15 minutes before I had to get my daughter and I spent it looking up stuff for my phone on the internet.
So that brings me to my phone. After extensive googling, and reading countless posts in obscure forums (fora?), I found a solution to getting my pictures and videos off my phone and onto my PC, and for putting an electronic book from my pc on my phone. It actually worked, and I am so pleased. I am still looking into getting new ring-tones. I want "The Path of the Wind" from Totoro to be one of my ringtones, and I wouldn't mind paying for it as long as I could guarantee that it would work. Any advice in this area is welcome. I also want new games and that one memo app, but those are looking not very likely at present. I tried to put tetris on there, but it didn't work, so I may try variations of the same program and see if I can make it go.
The ebook was the most successful task. Not only did I get it to load, and was able to read the book on the phone...but I also found the coolest website for electronic books, which I am adding to my links list on this blog. If you have thought about getting books, particularly classics, and want to download them instead, please check out Project Gutenberg!

chore list

2009-04-02T09:33:00.000-04:00

I have a new cell phone and it is pretty cool, but of course I want to make it cooler. I am able to program it to remind me of things using a calendar function and what they call a 'to do' list, but I cannot really write an actual list under 'to do'. I want to be able to write a list. Oh, sure I could get a piece of paper... Its just that I have twenty seven pieces of paper, all of which are to-do lists that I start, then shuttle from one flat surface to another, occasionally checked off, and usually not completely cleared, then filed away, then re-started. If I have a phone to-do list, I am a) not killing trees, b) always carrying it with me and less likely to lose it, and c) don't have to keep re remembering what things I need to be doing. So, I have found an application for this very thing for my k630i, but I don't know if it will work (and therefore worth the 12 dollars) because I actually have the chinese knock-off version of the phone. I have more investigating to do before I buy the app. My dear husband was so helpful in suggesting that they probably do make an app... in Chinese! I'm sure they do, and what good does that do me?
Most of my to-do's involve house improvement chores. I am currently contemplating the ceiling fan in the computer room. First I am going to have to turn off all of the computers, internet cable modem, firewall, etc in order to play with the circuit breakers, because it is not clear which breaker is going to be correct for de-powering the fan. Then I am going to have to work fast, because dear husband will not be happy to come home and find a half-wired ceiling fan and all his computer capability shut down.
The sink project did turn out to be rather involved, but that is typical for home improvement. Why does it always take three times longer and involve fourteen trips to Home Depot before you can fix something. Do contractors actually think along the lines of, "Yeah, lets plumb this house with mobile home pipes so when they replace the sink, they will have to saw off the old drain and buy a new coupling."?!? I would love to hunt the plumber down and kick him in the shin, the cheap bastard. At least home depot is filled with wise, nice men on Saturday nights! At least the sink works, now.
Painting. I have to paint the outside of the house. I mean it is really overdue. I have to paint the eaves (my sprayer was a birthday present two years ago - still in shrink wrap). I need to buy a case of caulk because there are miles of gaps that need filling. Oh yeah, and I should probably replace two windows before-hand so I won't need to re-paint when I am done.
And, I have rearranged furniture so that I can get up into the attic (my personal horror), because we have been in dire need of applying more insulation up there since we bought the place. I fear and loathe the attic. I have to do it soon, too before it gets too hot. If I were to make a horror movie it would be about a florida attic in the late summer...filled with roaches. UGGHHH! insert shudder here. Actually, we have had enough cold spells this winter to make me believe that the attic won't be that bad, now. But I do have to start soon. Maybe I will peek into it today....

The Scenic Route

2009-03-24T21:25:00.001-04:00

I hate Interstate 95. I am going from Florida to Pennsylvania and back. I hope to take two days each way. And the most direct route is the most dreaded (by me) on the planet. I would rather drive anywhere else than DC, Wilmington and Baltimore (in that order). Honestly. So I am trying to come up with alternative routes that won't take me too far out of the way or through too many small towns on too many small highways. I actually don't mind adding miles to my trip if the scenery is worth it. And I do like going through small towns as long as they aren't Waldo (Fla). Google it if ya don't believe me. But (there is always a but), since I am driving with my dear daughter, I don't want to be too far from civilization, rescue, anonymity. Also, there are only so many hours she is willing to withstand in a carseat, even if playing with cousins is the major bribe for going.
That said, I am going to try something new. Go where I haven't gone before. I am going to minimize interstate driving. Not at the expense of a speed limit of 45, but I am sticking to smaller highways, smaller towns. I am going to look for some fruit stands and farmers markets. I still look back fondly on the groves of pecan trees in late summer along US41 in south Georgia, cotton bolls literally littering the road-side, and the southern mansions with manicured lawns. There is really nothing like it. So I am going to try to find that kind of fun further north.
Oh, and here is the kicker...(are you ready for it?)...there will be nothing (and no-one) named Magellan, Tom-Tom, or Garmin in my car. No GPS. Just good old triple-A road maps, maybe an atlas, printed directions, and even a Gazetteer. Hopelessly old fashioned? Perhaps. However, I have found that it is really hard to have an experience when that little voice is nagging you to take a right in 200 yards. It is not all about the destination, people. Sometimes it is good to look around, decide on the spur of the moment to take that road less travelled, and even to get lost. I have gotten lost before, and it doesn't scare me. You meet some of the nicest people and see the prettiest sights getting lost. And it feels like an adventure again instead of just a long commute.
I figure I am adding about two hours of driving time. Balance that against the wait times in DC traffic jams, and the difficulty of actually finding the McDonalds in Virginia (those freaks don't believe in tourist-friendly advertisement), and I might come out ahead. If I am lucky, I may find a fried chicken or catfish place for dinner that will be worth revisiting. If I am unlucky, I will merely find another way not to go. Wish me luck!

tirade

2009-03-20T21:07:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged in a couple days, and I had this rant on my mind, but now I have forgotten what I was going to have a tirade about. Aint getting old grand? Actually, maybe that is why all my relatives were more mellow and happy the older they got! They simply forgot what they were all upset over. I do realize that not everybody gets nicer as they age, some turn into curmudgeons and other odious persons. So it could be worse. I think I am a lot more mellow than I used to be, but it could just be experience doing its work. I have been through a lot and it has taught me patience. It is fun to teach my daughter about things, too. I was teaching her about driving, today, not that she will be ready for it for a while. I was explaining that we drive on the right and sit on the left-hand side of the car. That we stay right except to pass. I am honest, too. i confessed that I speed, and that sometimes I tailgate, but that it isn't correct to do that. I remember when I was a girl that my grandmother would give me impromptu driving lessons. i remember really paying attention and taking it to heart. I cannot remember anything else she really taught me, so either her instruction was exceptional in its rarity or in its content. I try to remember that my daughter is just a sponge for information now. I think people forget that kids are always learning. It is not always apparent, even to themselves. My daughter will get home from school and complain that they "only teach me things I already KNOW!" I remember hating reviews when I was a kid, too, and finally realizing much later that I learn and retain things much faster than my peers, and that I could daydream or draw during the obligatory review sessions because I simply didn't need it. So she says that she hasn't learned anything in Kindergarten, except that she is now suddenly reading books, adding, subtracting, and knows what part of a bug its "thorax" is! I know her education is better than mine was. I will have to see if I can help her retain her skills over the approaching summer. Travel will give us some unique opportunities to learn map-reading (she already has compass directions understood), history, and distance. As well as meet a ton of relatives. I see why parents and educators get so excited over 'potential' of the mind to learn. It is amazing. It is not completely understood. But it is worthy of study. i think about aging and one thing I see is a slow reverse of elasticity of the brain and the ability to learn. I see the decline, and I can see that there are ways to reverse it. Just like muscle training for seniors, learning new things, exploring new points of view, and acquiring new skills are vital for a full life. I will be doing my part!

March sunburn

2009-03-16T20:41:00.000-04:00

What is it about March and me getting sunburns?!? I should know better! I know the sun gets stronger and I need to be thinking ahead and putting on sunscreen. It just feels so benign, though. The sun was hot, but I didn't actually sweat much on my walk. I didn't think I would be out as long as I was. I thought my walk would be shady. The list of excuses goes on, but the fact is, I ignored my white flesh and the bright intensity from the sky and subjected the former to the latter mercilessly. .
I did it last year about this time at my mom's pool. I guess because it is officially winter, I still have my mind in winter mode (sun is weak, weak sun is good, make us some Vitamin D). For all practical purposes winter is GONE from Florida. Spring has sprung, and it is looking like an early start to a miserable summer. As much as my friend Jo loathes long winters in West Virginia, I want to cry every year when winter is really,finally gone because that means the humid heat will start up again soon. I was spoiled the last two years by extended cool well into spring, but I have little hope for it this year. Plus I saw three (3) black racers (snakes) on my walk! At least my daughter didn't get burned at all.
I did get some gardening going this past week. I have to remember to water everything because the spring dry spell is already here. I have a geranium, some blue eyes, little white violets, and a good crop of milkweed going. I am trying to prepare for some monarch butterflies. I also saw some blackberry flowers, so I know they are coming soon. I really miss having a bunch of wild berries in my freezer. I actually want to build up some flower beds in the sunny parts of my yard. At least I should do something to try to transform its barren look.

Gijon and Bilbao

2009-03-15T10:06:00.001-04:00

Back to my travels...The first stop on the second cruise after leaving the port of Lisbon was a place on the northern, Asturian coast of Spain, named Gijon. It is pronounced much like a donkey's bray (or if you speak spanish, you may try their phonetic Xixon (accent on second syllable)). Our tour also took us into Oveido on a Sunday. Many shops were closed, as I expected, but a few were opening up. Our first point on the tour was an ancient Roman structure (about the size of a small barn) that had served several uses over its thousand years. It was up on a hillside overlooking the city and the view it commanded was just grand! The weather was cool and breezy, and it was perfect for a morning hike. My poor mother was about three fourths the way up, and realizing that she was going to have a hard time going down and debated whether it would be best to start right away. I am glad she persevered and got to see it. The structure itself was used as a summer house by conquering Romans, a troups barracks, a storage house, and finally as a national historical site. It is amazing how long some things last, if preserved even a little. We had to hike back down the hill, and my mom convinced the tour guide that a cab was essential, not just for herself but also another. The bus driver was not very cooperative, and my mom may not have hiked at all if he hadn't insisted she get off the bus, but it worked out well in spite of it all. The next spot for the tour was Oveido where we got to see many local Roman Catholics filing in to their church service. I am sure they loved (heavy sarcasm) a bunch of American tourists getting in the way and gawking at their buildings. Right after noon, there was an impromptu celebration parade of drumming and flute playing groups dressed up in traditional costumes. I don't think it was planned, but an amazing coincidence. There were several of these groups, some only eight members, some as large as 50. They marched through their streets (most of which were pedestrian only) playing and carrying their banners. I think the best description might be that they were clubs organized by heritage? It was amazing to watch and the music was lively. There were also a number of public statues to look at, and mimic. Our favorite was the 'travellers' since they, laden with luggage, looked so much like our own experience. However, another statue deserves a mention - the double butts. How funny that statue looked in this very conservative town! There was also a 400 year old University. Think about that next time you visit our own schools.

I need to mention how clean these cities were, especially Bilbao. Bilbao was a fairly large city and it had NO dirt or trash anywhere. There were no homeless people, no beggars. Everyone was well dressed and proper. There were sidewalk cafe's filled with customers. There were high-rise buildings all around with excellent public transportation busses and trams. It was like an urban utopia, and I did wonder what it cost them. Do they have to pay high taxes to support the cleanliness? Do they lock up all their unsavories somewhere, or just take them someplace else? I saw young people and old, but no one who was really old. It was a little bit creepy in that respect. One of the four Guggenheim museums is located in Bilbao, and it was impressive in a modern way. Near it was a unique playground for kids of all ages. There was a snack stand and restroom (free!). There was a giant ropes structure on which you could climb, and I was so glad I had taken my daughter. We played for an hour on this playground. There were also really strange variations of traditional playground equipment, and there were mound of texturized semi-spheres in the ground on which you could sit or jump. Older kids were playing there too, jumping from sphere to sphere. In front of the museum is a giant statue of a puppy that is a 3-D flower bed, covered with the pinks, yellows, reds and greens of blooms and leaves. At the gift shop, we purchase a tshirt souvenier with the flower puppy, and the cashier said, "Grathiath" in perfect kings' spanish lisp. I marvelled that such an advanced society still spoke spanish like thick-tongued five-year-olds. People are amazing. My daughter and mother did very well on this tour, and it was amazing to see such places that I never would have guessed were there.

assimilation

2009-03-14T09:44:00.000-04:00

The red wine seemed to do the trick. I am feeling better, but my larynx is shot, and I am resting it by whispering. While ailing, it fell upon my daughter to entertain herself, and what better way than to play doctor to mommy. First, I needed shots, then it seems I broke my arm and required Xrays and casting. Since she has gone through these actions in real life recently, she has first-hand knowledge of medical procedures, and enjoyed being the perpetrator rather than the victim. I didn't mind. I know that is how her experiences are assimilated into her knowledge bank - by talking about them, re-enacting them from all angles, and drawing about them. I am amazed by her creativity. Cast material? Fun-fur scarves! Stryker saw? Flower-shaped clothing tag! Her hands had to serve as the X-ray cross-hairs, but she imitated the hummmmclick most accurately with voice alone. She was a gentle, compassionate attendant which means she either was treated with appropriate respect, herself or that she wanted to treat me with tenderness, based on who I was. Either way, I was proud of her. Her littlest pet shop montage was also recruited for assimilation. Pretty kitty broke her paw and required the whole LPS staff to attend at the ER, the office, and Xray. She reproduced every step with great attention to detail. She found a stool for her patient to sit upon, a plate that was the X-ray negatives, the correct number of nurses required to give an IV, and a hospital bed. Playing broken arm has given her so much awareness and language about her real experience that she has come through it all very little worse for the wear.

thinking about God again...

2009-03-11T11:55:00.000-04:00

Is it my feverish brain that dwells on the immense complexity of God, religion and spirituality? Naw, I have been rolling these marbles around in my head for a while now. I am trying to define what I believe, and I am trying to decide whether it is important to pray - to whom and how? I am not Christian or Jewish. I certainly am not Muslim. I do not believe Islam is a religion of peace (just read Infidel by Ayaan Hirsi Ali if you want an honest view). I am not Buddhist, and certainly not Hindu. There are truths to be gleaned from each of these religious views, but I am far from accepting any of them as a whole parcel. I do not believe any rights to religion should trump basic human rights. Just because the Koran says you can beat your wife does not make it okay. And yet...I cannot look around me at nature and believe that it was all some cosmic accident, that the Earth just came about by chance. I cannot contemplate the depths of space, the rate of expansion of the universe (just enough to keep the whole thing from collapse), the inter-atomic forces that define gravity and electrical charge, and the fantastically complex biology of my human child without thinking that there must be God, somewhere, in all these details.
What I do resent is the insertion of God into anything we cannot explain by science alone. The Jehovah's Witnesses are very cunning in some of their tracts to appear to 'prove' that a scientific explanation of the evolution of Earth is inadequate. For example, they point to the fossil record as 'incomplete' proof of Darwinian theory. There are too many gaps and jumps between species. Never do they discuss the process of fossilization and how capricious it is. Why did life 'suddenly' appear in the fossil record. And their answer is, of course, God. They insert God at every point. God made the DNA, God made the individual species separate, God made the dinosaurs and God took them out so we could be here. What this placement of God in all these holes does is to cheapen the wonder, the amazing creation and yes, evolution. There is no evidence that God made these things, just a lack of scientific knowledge of how these things come about. That does not mean that there will never be scientific knowledge, just that our current understand is not yet complete. Jehovah's witnesses would have you believe there is no Darwinian natural selection, no evolution at all. If so, did God make methycillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus? Why would God do that to us if God loves people so much?!? Did God make Ebola virus? People didn't do it. These things evolved from existing strains. To deny any evolution is to deny reason, rationality, and evidence. Why are 90% of South Africa's elephants NOW born without the ability to grow tusks? Because there is evolutionary pressure (granted, this pressure is created by humans, but so are many pressures) to not carry around thousands of dollars worth of ivory on their bodies.
So I do believe in evolution. I realize it does not answer all the questions of how we got here, but there really is no other way to explain why Down's syndrome occurs, why there are pathogenic bacteria and viruses. If God really is a loving, personal God, God would take away these bad things. And don't get me started on Satan...I don't believe in the devil.
So to recap: I believe in God because of the miracle of our existence, yet I believe in evolution as the origin of species, I believe that only God can create (that may be the best definition - Creator), and I believe that God cannot lie. If there are any satans or devils out there, it is just people, lying to save their butts. I also think God is Love, and therefore is in all of us.

sicky and fishy

2009-03-10T20:15:00.000-04:00

Uggh, I am sick. Fever. Gunk in nose. Headache. Tired.
Soooooooooo Tired.
Red wine is good for a cold, right?
Well, we will just see, shall we...
Red, red wine
Sing it how you like it.

We went fishing today, the daughter and I and some of her classmates. how cool and Florida-y is that? Kindergarteners get to go fishing for their field trip. They got to 'pet' some fish, too: bream, bass, catfish, gar and a big sucker fish (plecostomas). Then they got to fish for bass and catfish. It was a bit much for my group, handling hooks and cane poles, trying to be patient, losing the bait repeatedly, sitting in the hot sun. But I really enjoyed it, and I thank the fates for leaving me in this town of opportunities. I wouldn't have stayed here of my own volition, but since I am here, I try to make the best of it. And despite its traffic irritations, despite its fickle university student population, and despite its income disparities, its a pretty decent place to live.
Now, back to that resting...

2009-03-08T10:58:00.001-04:00

Create your own travel map or travel blog

Travel Info at TripAdvisor

New Blog

2009-03-07T10:46:00.000-05:00

Not that I have to do everything everyone else does, but sometimes it is a good idea, it makes sense, and there is no good reason not to do so. I am copying the fact that I am shutting down one blog and starting another. The old blog is not me anymore, or rather the name is out-dated. Other blogs seem to have cohesive themes, direction, goals. I cannot promise that. This blog is meant to be a hodge-podge of sorting out mental garbage, funny things my kid did, enchanting memories, and travel diaries. It is meant to help me sort out the facts of turning forty, changing careers, being a mom, and my currently directionless existence. I may mention God and my beliefs. I may wax sophomoric about how much I like hiking and travelling. I am just hoping to condense my thoughts, capture them like the panic-fluttering birds that they are, net them with language, and calm their frantic flapping. Its like meditating, only you (dear reader) get to visit. Come along, have fun, and comment if you like!